Blooging Challenge Day 31: A Vivid Memory

Thank FUCK this is the last post! What on earth was I thinking? "hey, I'm the busiest I've ever been, let me take on something else to do" - what a prat. Oh well, I managed it and now you'll  probably never hear from me again.

Right. A vivid memory. Hmmmm. I've always thought that the reality of something was never the same as how you remember it later but this is an important memory for me and the actual details aren't that important anyway.

I moved to Brighton at the very end of October 1994 with £150 and a suitcase and I didn't really know anyone or have any friends when I arrived. I had escaped a pretty horrible time back in my home town and I was incredibly relived to be in a place where nobody knew me and I felt safe. 

One night about a week after I arrived, I was walking along the seafront from Hove towards Brighton when suddenly all these fireworks starting going off behind the pier. It was magical.

I now know that this happens every Saturday night in Brighton but at the time I didn't. I stood there and watched the sky explode in a riot of colour and the air fill with whizz-bangs and it felt like the celebration of a new beginning. 

I don't know how to describe the moment to you except to say the explosions of sound and colour were almost cutting through the air to make a moment so clear and real - almost aimed at shocking me personally awake from a sleep walk to bring me back into my new reality. It was like a punctuation mark. A moment in time that heralded the end of one life and the beginning of another one.

I haven't done a very good job of describing it but it was a deeply personal moment and it was more of a subconscious thing that doesn't really translate well. But at that moment I knew I had finally arrived and things were going to be better than ok.

Blogging Challenge Day 30: React to This Term - Letting Go

I'm actually great at letting go... as long as it's my decision.

Things - I'm not a hoarder; in fact the opposite. I like a minimalist look and, although I keep sentimental things, I keep them nicely organised. I have a shoe-box sized memory box for some bits, an actual shoe-box for sentimental letters and cards, I sellotape travel tickets and receipts from holidays and days out in a lovely book, I keep little mementos in a printers tray, and I have all my cinema tickets (with the name of who I went with written on the back of course) in a little tidy bag in a drawer.

I'm always chucking things out but woe betide anyone who loses something I've lent them. In fact I'm well known for not lending out my stuff and I don't see this as a bad thing. I've lost so many things because people don't look after my property that I rarely ever lend anything. Some people think this is a little selfish, but I didn't buy something only for it to end up being someone else's thank you. I've got some nice things and I'm keeping them dammit.

People - I'm also very good at letting go of people - too good some of my friends might say. If I'm done then I'm just done and there's no point in dwelling over it or wringing my hands. When friends leave for far-flung places I'm never the one crying as I wave them off. I'm happy for them and I know we'll probably be chatting on Skype before the end of the week. I look upon such criers as a bit weird actually.

But if someone I love (we're talking boyfriends here) leaves me when I'm not ready, then I'm not a happy bunny at all. I do move on of course - and probably quicker than most people - but I'm not over the moon about the whole thing.

I seldom stay friends with people I meet through work either. Sometimes of course, but generally I keep work and my personal life separate. I work all day with these people so I don't want to hang out with them all bloody night as well! Maybe I'm just good at compartmentalising things but I only have a couple of friends who I went to school with or once worked with which I think is quite unusual as far as I can tell. 

Words & Actions - I definitely find it harder to let go of something that someone has said or done now I think about it. I might forgive what the person said, but I most certainly won't forget it. I find myself mulling over past words and actions and feeling very self-righteous and indignant about it ages later. It's not that I care what someone thinks about me, but I often feel annoyed that they tried to take the piss for example. So I guess I might decide to put things behind me but I'll always remember it happened.

The Past - I had a very turbulent childhood and my parents said and did some pretty outrageous things and treated me in a manner that is unacceptable to anyone I've mentioned it to. But I decided in my 20's to just let it go.

I think I'm very realistic and a 'put up or shut up' kind of person so, unless I was going to make the decision to never speak to them again, I just had to get over it, move on, and take the relationship from there. I decided there were more years ahead of us than behind us so it was worth trying to work on a better relationship. I am still a bit annoyed that they won't recognise or acknowledge the things they did, but it's not something worth getting too stressed about.

Myself - I've definitely let myself go appearance-wise (bit tubby) and I'm not a person who would just let myself go and make a fool of myself by drunkenly singing karaoke in a bar for example. Possibly at a private party but it hasn't happened so far. I can't sing so why would I want to get up and embarrass myself? Wouldn't happen. 

I'd 'let myself go' by leaping out of a plane for instance, but I wouldn't 'let my inhibitions go' and show myself up. There's enough people doing that and I think it's cheap. In a discussion with some female colleagues once, it turned out that I was the only one who'd never flashed  their tits or arse in public. The only one. Why would you do that? Nasty. I didn't feel like I'd missed out in any way and it actually secretly changed the way I felt about them if I'm honest. I thought they had no self-pride or knew how to behave themselves in public. I was proud that I was the only one in fact.

So I guess I've discovered by reacting to the term 'letting go' that I find it very easy to let go of things, the past, and people but not so easy to let go of words or myself. And I'm ok with that.

Blogging Challenge Day 29: 5 Songs or Pieces of Music That Speak to You or Bring Back Memories

1) House of the Rising Sun - The Animals

This song is #1 on the list because I'm pretty sure it was the first time that I really listened to the words of a song and visualised what was happening - and what was happening in this song sounded great. My parents used to listen to a radio station that played old songs on a Sunday afternoon and while my Mum was making a roast dinner and Dad was doing something uninteresting outside, I used to lie on the carpet in front of the gas fire (whether it was on or not) and listen to all these old songs.

"My father was a gamblin' man, down in New Orleans"

House of the Rising Sun just blew me away. Not only is it a great song despite people thinking it's a cliche (listen to it again; it's ace) it was more that I really wanted to be the man in the song. Even though they were saying you didn't want to be him, the story of a whoring, gambling, cowboy-type living such an exciting (as I saw it) life in New Orleans was not only a world apart from my own life, it was also a life I knew I could never have because I was a girl. Maybe it appealed to the freedom-loving part of me, but I so wanted to have an exciting life like this. 

I still listen to this tune and I still love it. When you watch the video you're amazed at how such a big voice can come out of such a young little fella though!

2) I Vow to Thee my Country

Originally a poem by diplomat Cecil Spring-Rice, this song speaks to me because I think it should be our National Anthem instead of God Save The Queen. Most of the UK isn't religious and this song, although still godly, is more patriotic I think. We used to sing it in assembly at school and I always liked it - probably because it sounds very sad and talks about the war. Whenever I hear this on Classic FM it makes me well up and even reading the lyrics makes me emotional. It's not a song I listen to on my MP3 player, but I think it should certainly be our National Anthem. 

"I heard my country calling away across the sea, across the waste of waters she calls and calls to me."

I challenge you to watch the remembrance video, listen to this song and not cry.

3) Tougher Than The Rest - Bruce Springsteen

I must say that I absolutely adore Springsteen. If I could only listen to one artist for the rest of my life then it would be him. What an amazing storyteller. Although this song is written from a male perspective I feel the lyrics both reflect who I am as well as what I've always been looking for.

"The road is dark and it’s a thin thin line but I want you to know I’ll walk it for you any time. Maybe your other boyfriends couldn't pass the test, well if you’re rough and ready for love, honey I'm tougher than the rest."

4) Racing in the Street - Bruce Springsteen

This is my latest obsession. I just love this song and have been playing it a lot lately. It really is very beautiful and, like most of his songs, tells a story of people who's lives didn't turn out the way they hoped.

"For all the shut-down strangers and hot rod angels rumbling through this promised land. Tonight my baby and me we're gonna ride to the sea, and wash these sins off our hands."

All his songs are so incredibly well written. They're about regular stuff - dreams, and lives, and stories, and stuff - but written like poetry. I just love Bruce Springsteen.

5) Wanted Dead or Alive - Bon Jovi

The reason this song is included is because it reminds me of a really great time in my life. I was 15 when the album Slippery When Wet came out and my best friend and I were having a blast. We listened to this album until we knew every word off by heart (we used to call this song pa cha waw waw waw waw - the sound of one of the opening chords), the summer was hot and long as I recall, and I had my first experience of 'being in love' and having my heart broken. In fact I don't think a break up has ever hurt so much as that one.

But it was a brilliant summer and this song reminds me of some really happy times with my best friend, becoming a proper teenager, and experiencing some real grown up emotions for the first time.

* There were loads of pieces of music that nearly made it on the list but didn't. I've mentioned that I love opera before so I nearly put in a few arias, the opening of Mozart's Requiem Aeternam is simply jaw-dropping and you can't believe that such music is possible (hearing it live in a big church is something you'll never ever forget), Going Down by Springsteen is the song that never fails to cheer me up, and American Trilogy by Elvis is awesome and one of my favourite Elvis songs of all time - and I have a million of them cos the dude was such a fucking legend!

Blogging Challenge Day 28: Only Pictures

Blogging Challenge Day 27: A Letter To Your Readers

Well by the lack of comments on here I'm not sure that I actually even have any readers but here goes:

Dear readers, 

Thank you for taking the time out of your busy days to read my ramblings. They are the rants , fears, concerns, dreams, and hopes of someone just like you because, after all, aren't we all pretty much concerned about the same things? 

Don't we all worry about money and relationships, hope that our future is bright and that every year will be better than the last? Don't we all fear bad things happening to the people we love and care about? Don't we all want to succeed and achieve our potential - not to have lived and died without having a blast - and don't we all want a better world for ourselves and future generations to live in? 

I think we do. So when you read my posts I hope that you recognise some of my emotions and know that it's not just you and that we all feel the same. Because that's what I feel when I read yours. x

Blogging Challenge Day 26: Something You Read Online. Leave A Link And Discuss If You'd Like

View from my friend's house

I just read this article called 'Is Living in Provence Overrated?'. The reason I just read the article is because it's one of my options should everything go tits up here.

The friend I went to visit a couple of months ago lives in Provence and he's been here visiting as I work with him on the festival I do every year. he says he can live on around £7000 a year, his rent is cheap, and his bills are low. Flights into Nice are only around £60 so he can come back often, and he has quite a few French friends as well as some English ones; who he knew here and have decided to move out too. His Internet connection is fantastic, and his life is nice.

So we were discussing what options I had should my client decide not to renew the lease on this flat (at some point) and this turns out to be a very good move potentially. So I'm having a think. If I can't stay in this flat then I do not want to move into a shared house. I'm nearly 42 and I just don't want to do that. I could just about afford to stay here but I'd be paying £1000 a month before I even buy any food for me or my cats - which is crap and means my quality of life would be shite and my stress levels would be high.

He said rents in his region are around 3-400 euros a month and that he could help me find somewhere and help me get all the details sorted. I'd have him to hang out with plus other people he knows I guess. I'd have to learn French and learn to drive on the other side of the road, but these things are do-able and not much cause for concern for me. You just learn things you need to do don't you?

It's only a 2 hour flight back to Gatwick and I'd gain an hour anyway. It's actually far quicker to get to his house than it is to get to Cornwall. And I could take my cats.

So I'm considering it as an option. I'm worried that I'd get bored, but both my businesses are virtual and the other stuff is just detail. So my life would be very different but it's a life that I would definitely consider. I definitely could not afford to stay here in Brighton as the rents are through the roof and moving down the coast to some shitty old tip doesn't really appeal either plus it's not a huge amount cheaper.

So this article was interesting as it highlighted my worry about Provence life being too quiet for me. You never know though really so I'm keeping my options open. I moved to Brighton when I was 22 and I'd like to hope that I have at least another couple of chapters to come. I'm not afraid to do quite drastic things either - I believe you only get one life so should try to fill it with adventures if you can. 

Gulp - who knows where I'll end up but frankly, as long as there's good parking, I know that at least my best friend will come and visit me.

Blogging Challenge Day 25: Something Someone Told You About Yourself That You'll Never Forget

In my late twenties, a girl I once knew told me that I was the most untactful person she'd ever known. 

This came as a complete surprise to me but every single friend I mentioned her comment to said they were absolute amazement that I had never seen this in myself. 

Apparently everyone knew I was the most untactful, blunt person to ever walk the earth and thought that surely I must have known this about myself. It was so obvious to my friends in fact, that it had never crossed their mind that I could have failed to spot it.

Once I looked at it objectively I saw that they were right. They were so right in fact that I was embarrassed I lacked such self-awareness - how can a person not see the wood for the trees when to everyone else it was so clear? It also made me wonder what else I didn't know about myself...

Blogging Challenge Day 24: Things You've Learned That School Won't Teach You

• School didn't tell me that the world and life isn't fair
• School failed to mention that the people who run things don't have our best interests at heart
• School bypassed the fact that people mainly want to know what's in it for them - it's not a bad thing, it's just human nature
• School didn't mention that I didn't necessarily need tangible skills like maths or being able to remember facts, and that being organised was a skill in itself
• School preferred it if I didn't question everything I was told
• School didn't teach me to communicate and interact with people in everyday life
• School didn't teach me how to make meringues
• School failed to mention that other women would not necessarily be on my side and that they were more likely to be my critics than men
• School failed to teach me that nothing is as you thought it would be and that not everything is possible even if you want it really, really badly and work for it really, really hard
• School didn't mention that so much emphasis would be put on my appearance rather than my mind and the content of my heart and soul
• School didn't tell me that having high self esteem and self-confidence was rare
• School didn't cover how to put on make up or keep plants alive

Blogging Challenge Day 23: Your Top 3 Worst Traits

Another easy one. I have quite a few, Although these are my worst traits, they have still been handy on occasion. and I'd prefer to tone them down rather than lose them completely

* I'm Impatient

* I'm Judgemental

* I'm over-opinionated

Blogging Challenge Day 22: Rant About Something

Pffft, this is an easy one - most of my posts are already rants!

Many things piss me off and I get annoyed about so many things you'd wonder why I hadn't run for Prime Minister yet. Mostly though I get annoyed about things and people that don't do what they're supposed to do:

* Politicians asleep in Parliament when you or I would get fired for being asleep at work. They don't even give a shit that they're on TV and being paid a ton of money to represent us. It should be an honour to serve the people but they're just out for what they can get. 

* Governments spying on us and lying to the very people they're supposed to be helping. The US Government in particular being outraged that one of their citizens doing his civil and moral duty by whistle blowing the fact they were spying on all sorts of people including the European Union Offices. Sneakly hypocritical bastards.

* Incompetent and reckless bankers fucking it all up, not getting penalised in any way and STILL refusing to help the people that bailed them out financially despite being told by the Government that they need to. This one particularly disgusts me. It's always regular people that have to pay for highly-paid 'experts' not doing their job properly - big businesses get away with paying little or no tax but woe betide you or I if we didn't pay our taxes. The Government chase and penalise the wrong people and try to save money by cutting all the things we actually need - like the NHS.

* People going into hospitals or care homes and being neglected by the very people paid to help and care for them. I have a friend who's a newly-qualified doctor and the stories she tells me are heartbreaking and would make you so full of rage... like the story of a female patient telling her she was in pain, my doctor friend spotting she had an infection that any nurse should have seen had she been washing the patent, giving the nurses a prescription - for the pharmacy in the same building - and the nurses taking 2 days to go and get it. 

My friend made herself very unpopular by screaming "I can't do everything; get your fucking fat arses down to the pharmacy and do your jobs instead of spending your day sitting at the nurses station eating chocolates and chatting you lazy cows." She was furious. This is one of her nicer stories and not involving people dying because of incompetence and lack of care.

* Companies where you call up and get someone in a call centre who doesn't care about your problem. A person who is penalised if they don't wrap the call up in 3 minutes (like I know gold card members of a certain bank are given - and they pay for a premium service for God's sake) and someone who isn't even allowed to talk to you like a human being in case they admit culpability so they have stock answers such as "I'm sorry you feel that way" instead of "I'm sorry our shoddy useless product and poor customer service has forced you to feel that way". Grrrrr!

So I get annoyed about people, groups, and companies who are paid to do something but don't  do it properly or at all. They're not fit for purpose and should be fired. The most infuriating and depressing thing is that if you cut off one greedy incompetent head, another one just grows in its place.

Blogging Challenge Day 21: A List Of Links To Your Favorite Posts In Your Archives

My Double Edged Sword - l like this post as it's all about my identity as a single woman without any children and how it's hard to measure your worth or happiness when so much of your identity is defined by others on whether you have any children or not.

 I'd also come out of a bit of a gloomy phase and had been having a bit of a worry about what I'd done with my life - I'd been comparing myself to the 'traditional' view of women I guess so had no measure of where I stood in the world. This post is me redefining myself and confirming how happy I was not to have a 'conventional' life.

I Passed My Driving Test! - Self explanatory really. I passed my test first time at the age of 40 after doing around 90 hours of lessons in exactly 7 weeks. It was the hardest thing I'd ever done and therefore the thing I'm most proud of.

Fight Apathy - or Don't - This post is important as it's the one that caused a furore at work and instigated me going freelance. The post itself seems quite innocuous at first glance but I mentioned in it that I had worked a lot of weekends and this pissed my manager off.

My immediate manager knew that I had this blog (trusting rookie mistake), read this post and went and told her manager about it. I then got called in to his office to find them both sitting there 'wanting to have a word'. They bring up my comment about all the weekends I've done to which I reply to by telling them that, as I actually write the rota myself, it's not as if I've got a huge problem with it and that it's my anonymous personal blog and I can write what I want.

They then decide they don't really have a leg to stand on so my boss says that he doesn't want to see another word on my blog about setting up my own business until I walk in and put my notice letter on his desk. Obviously I'm furious about this so a week later he walks into his office to find my resignation letter on his desk. Prick.

After I left my job I wrote a blog post saying how I felt she'd really stabbed me in the back by telling her boss about my blog and that she could hardly talk as she used to say X,Y, and Z about him. I left the post up for a week or so to make sure they'd both read it - he wouldn't have been able to read it if she hadn't told him where my blog was remember - then I deleted it. I wanted to see how she felt being hauled into his office. Cow. 

Blogging Challenge Day 20: Get Real. Share Something You're Struggling With Right Now

Apart from worrying that the lease on my flat isn't going to get renewed and I'll be looking for yet another home, I'm actually struggling with too much work.

I work for myself and although it's great to be this busy (this month has been a record-breaker income-wise) I'm also working 10-12 hour days to get it all done. Which is why this blog didn't get updated much before I (foolishly) decided to do a blog every day challenge!

It's a great position to be in and I'd much rather have too much work than not enough which was my previous worry, but I'm so busy that I can't get time to figure out what to do. The problem is that people hire me to do the work because that's where the value is for them. I can outsource some of one of my businesses and I'm talking to a woman I think can help me with that later today actually, but my problem is that I also like to be busy - and yet I complain about it! See the catch 22 there?

I've got a Scanner personality so I like to have lots of things on the go. I run 2 businesses, I crochet in the evenings, I've started to write a new resource/authority site so I can make money from affiliates in the long-term, and that's without all the usual things like shopping, seeing people, finding time to eat, catching up on reading useful online articles, scheduling social media, writing posts for 2 business and one personal blog, reading books for fun, watching TV, going out... I feel knackered just reading that actually.

On one hand I've gotten a lot of those things down to a fine art, am good at time management, and love what I do, and on the other hand I can also faff around a lot and probably don't use my time as productively as I could. I also kind of suspect that if I did manage to sort it out so I got quieter then I'd immediately look for more things to do! 

Turning down work feels weird but I just can't take on any more at the moment. But I still try to. I know the world won't come crashing down if I take some time off or turn away work, but somehow I seem to pressure myself by thinking I should try and fit it all in - make hay while the sun shines kind of thing. I'm busy with both businesses and the yearly work on the festival hasn't even begun yet - my God I'd probably explode when that work comes in!

Anyway, that's my struggle right now - trying to get everything done. Right better get going - I've got a shit load of things to do!

Blogging Challenge Day 19: Five Of Your Favourite Blogs And What You Love About Them

I'm short on time this evening and it's already gone 8pm and I've been at my computer all day - so this is gunna be a quick one!

I read quite a lot of blogs actually. Some are on Blogger, most are businessy/lifestyle ones and others are craft ones. The first 2 are ones that I always read no matter what and the others are ones that I simply enjoy.

Location 180 - this is an amazing blog/website of a guy who chucked it all in to travel the world whilst working. He tells you how to become location independent and live a happy life from anywhere in the world. His site is truly inspirational.

Attic 24 - this is a craft blog written by a stay at home Mum in Yorkshire. I'm not into a lot of the stuff she writes about as my life is nothing like hers and I wouldn't want it to be. She also likes really twee and overly girly stuff and her blog is a riot of colour whereas I prefer minimalist clean and simple styles. But I love reading her posts. This blog was an amazing resource when I first started to crochet and I still use it to get creative inspiration from. I do wish she'd post more patterns but I check her blog the most out of everyone's - even on my phone!

La Tarzane Leaves the Urban Jungle - this lazy cow hasn't updated her blog since December last year but I know she's busy and I love her so I'm letting it slide. This blog belongs to a friend of mine who's stationed in Aman. She was stationed in Jordan before that and she writes about the sights, sounds, smells, and tastes of the places she visits. She posts videos of fish in the sea while snorkelling and the beautiful architecture and people around her. It's a great insight into places you'll probably never visit which is why it made this list.

Unknown Housewife - Sarah is someone who I've kind of 'known' for about 4 years now although I've never actually met her. I like her blog because she is incredibly honest, and although she's a Mum, she doesn't let it define her or bang on about her kids all the time. In fact she often writes about how difficult she finds it which makes her endearingly human and is exactly the reason I like reading her stuff. 

We all want to see the real side of people and, although her life is very different from mine and I'm not necessarily interested in everything she gets up to, I love  reading her blog. I can tell she has a lovely heart and I'm always rooting for her. It's odd how you can feel endearment for someone you've never met but that's how I feel about Sarah.

The last one is a hard one so I'm going to bend the 'rules' and share it out:

I enjoy Fizzgigs blog although it's still pretty new to me. I'm very much enjoying finding out about her post by post and she seems to have vast resources of emotional and physical strength. It's great reading about another strong female - even though she doesn't always seem to know how strong she actually is.  

I love Superlative's blog cos he's hilarious and I like him very much despite never having met him - even though he actually even lives in the same city as me by some strange coincidence. He's another lazy blogger but he has a good heart, can tell a great story, and his family life is comedy gold. It also sounds like he makes a mean cocktail - every day after he leaves his shitty job where he is wasting his talents and dirtying his fabulous, shiny, darling little soul.

Wolynski is someone who's blog I adored but she got shut down by the US Government or Blogger or summat for slagging off the Mafia Museum in Vegas (It's shonky apparently). Her blog was quite political and she was world-savvy and fascinating. I've actually met Wolynski even though she lives in Vegas and I liked her very much too. In fact I really regret not spending my last but day with her (long story) before I left the city. She is fascinating and I reckon she knows a lot about a lot and is the keeper of many secrets.

Blogging Challenge Day 18: Tell a Story From Your Childhood

I didn't get on with my little bro when I was a kid. There's 9 years between us and he was always a bit of a brat to be honest - even family members agree that he was a bit of an arsewipe (not their exact words but near enough). He had colic when he was born so I wasn't allowed near him which meant we never really bonded sadly.

We get on much better now he's an adult, but he's a bit of a closed book and could be a serial killer for all we know. He's not very chatty and likes to do his own thing so I'm not really sure what he's like. It's all fine though; my family dynamic is a little different than most peoples but it seems to work for us.

When he was about 4 or 5 my Dad, my Brother and I were taking a walk round the lake near our house. I'm not much for walking at the best of times and I was a teenager so I was even less enamoured with traipsing around in the cold. I think I was wearing a windcheater so it must have been a shitty day and I imagine it wasn't my idea to go and that I was there reluctantly.

Anyway, as most teenagers do, I was trailing sullenly about 3 or 4 paces behind my Dad who had my brother on his back piggyback style. About half way round the lake I quickly ran up behind my brother and gave him a light kick up the arse then dropped back again. My brother looked sharply round and complained about said treatment - as one would. My Dad looked round, saw that I wasn't close enough to kick him and told my brother to stop making up stories.

A few minutes later I did it again. Same result. 

I then did it again - a quick but silent kick up his little backside and I dropped back nonchalantly and averted my eyes across the lake. My brother again whined that I was kicking him. That was it - my Dad had enough and gave my Brother a slap for telling lies.

And THAT is the type of person you're dealing with here folks. I found it funny then and I still find it funny now. I did come clean about it as an adult though and my brother forgave me - along with all the other things I (and my complicit best friend) did to him.

Blogging Challenge Day 17: A Favourite Photo Of Yourself And Why

Ah, this is a tricky one as I don't want anyone to know who I am on here. However, coincidentally, this actually IS one of my favourite photos of myself and not simply because I have my back to the camera!

This photo was taken in Sorrento at the beginning of November 2007. I'd gone back for the second time with Star Trek Girl (the first was just for a day or 2) and we were having coffee on the swanky terrace of a hotel we weren't staying at. I'm looking out over the bay of Naples and it must have been a day or so before or after my 36th birthday. I see my birthday as the beginning of a new year instead of January 1st so always go on holiday to celebrate and to have a bit of a life audit.

I'm 2 stone lighter in this photo and my hair is now way past my shoulders having been kept short for 20 or so years. But I don't love this photo because I'm thinner, I love it because it's a sunny day, the sky and sea are the colour of sapphires, I'd enjoyed a few gorgeous Italian coffees under the flowering Amalfi vines, I was with a good friend, and we had no place to go and were in no hurry to get there.

Man I adore Italy - I so wish I was there today!

Blogging Challenge Day 16: A Day In The Life (Include Photos From Throughout Your Typical Day)

I'm going to start this one with a photo I took at 9.10 last night and do it over a 24 hour period rather than 9-bedtime today. I don't usually take pictures of food so I want to use it; plus it's been a long day so I am done taking photos!

Last night I went to see the televised Pompeii exhibition at the cinema - it was brilliant. I've been to Pompeii 3 times and intend to see the London exhibition, but it was great to see experts talk us through the various exhibits on display. Afterwards we went to Carluccios to keep up the Italian theme and I had one of my favourite meals of soft, comforting Gnocchi and a crisp ice cold glass of Verdicchio. I have no photo of the meringue, vanilla cream, and raspberry coulis pudding unfortunately!

This is my morning view from the dining room table which is where I decided to work from today. I've got my laptop on, coffee at the ready, and I'm viewing my calendar before I send out 2 press releases for a PR client before I go and have a shower.

The view to my left. I would be moving to that chair later.

12.01. I had a small black coffee as I'm on a fast day (5:2 diet) after the disgusting over-indulgence that was last week. There are usually biscuits in the tin on the left and the small digital radio was tuned to Classic FM cos I'm kulchured.

12.26pm Back at the laptop. My screensaver is the marvellous Martha Gellhorn who I am very much obsessed with at the moment. I then spent the whole afternoon working on a very dull spreadsheet with the TV on half watching Golden Girls, DS9, Cake Boss, and Breaking Amish on catch up. Highbrow stuff!

Mid afternoon and my spreadsheet work is interrupted by an attention-seeking Treacle wanting a cuddle and to inspect my data entry skills.

7.46pm and I'm in a local cafe having a CV consultation with a new client. No rest for this freelancer.

My view of the bar before I left for home around 9pm. A 13 hour working day and now I'm here writing this! 

So quite a boring day but very typical in that I spent most of it in front of my computer. You can see that I wasn't joking when I said I didn't cook although I did have a bowl of yoghurt with honey, seeds, and raspberries after I got in. It's now 10.36 and I'm in my jamas about to take my make up off then watch 'The Returned' on catch up and then I'll go to bed around 11pm and read until midnight. 

Blogging Challenge Day 15: Something Difficult About Your "Lot In Life" And How You're Working To Overcome It

I guess all in all I'm pretty lucky. I'm a white woman in a western country who is free to do pretty much what she wants. All my problems are 'First World' ones and, in the big scheme of things and relative to the rest of the world, I don't have much to moan about. But I am somewhat of a complainer by nature so let me do my best to answer that question for you!

My something difficult:

The problem that's arisen over and over again for me is the issue of affordable housing. At the moment I'm in the incredibly fortunate position of having most of my rent paid by a client who needs a UK address. This is, of course, a unique situation - but if and when he decides he doesn't need a property here then I've got some thinking to do. 

I've written many posts on here about how I'm always moving house and how expensive it is to rent here. All the money I spend on rent means I can't save for a deposit plus I can't get a mortgage anyway because I work for myself.  Even renting through an agency means coughing up 6 months rent in advance and all rental agencies here gyp you for costs wherever they can.

So my something difficult is affording a place to live on my own (I don't want to live in a shared house in my forties) and still being able to pay bills and go out and basically have a life. This one-bed flat plus bills without any help would be around £1000 ($1542) per month. Which is a lot.

How I'm working to overcome it:

Both my businesses are doing ok but I still have the problems I mentioned above. I do however have options. I suppose I could move into a shared house as long as the other person was ok - but things would still be in a state of flux as they might want to move out, we might not get on, and frankly I'd like to live on my own. I want something permanent and I don't want to spend nearly every penny I earn on rent and bills and I don't want to worry that I can't pay each month.

I'm overcoming the problem by trying to save money and researching my options. Saving will only get me so far and won't solve the issues completely but it might give me a bit of a head start and allow me to even raise the advance rent if I went through an agency. I've not saved much but I know I need to and I  have started to get a good enough income (most months) that I'm kinda in the position to put some away a bit at a time. 

I'm also starting to give some thought to moving out of town if I lost my flat. Although I could love anywhere in theory as both my businesses are virtual, I also have  a life here and I love the town I live in. So I don't really want to move but I could. I could even move abroad to France perhaps as I have a friend that does and he manages it. I'm not sure how that would work for me emotionally in practice although I'm fine with it in theory.

Another option that has crossed my mind is buying and living full time in a large RV-type campervan or on a canal boat. Both options are do-able in theory but I need to research both options thoroughly and save my arse off. I think I'd be ok with the practical aspects and I can even drive now thank god, but I'm not sure about the day to day emotional aspects of either - being on the move or being away from people I know, that kind of thing. Both mean I could travel with my cats and carry on freelancing as long as I had a reliable Internet connection.

All quite exciting possibilities actually but all terrifying at the same time! I'm quite brave but I don't want to do something silly either. All is well here for the time being, but a gal has to plan ahead. 

Blogging Challenge Day 14: Issue a Public Apology

The full title being - issue a public apology. This can be as funny, serious or as creative as you want it to be.

So far I've managed to traced my maternal line back to the late 18th Century to a woman called Joan. Joan was born in Devon around 1770 and she had a daughter, who had a daughter, who had a daughter, who had a daughter, who had a daughter, who had a daughter, who had a daughter ... who decided to leave it there.

So this is an open apology to all my female ancestors. I have a life that many of you might not have wanted for yourselves but I imagine some of you dreamt about once in a while. I didn't have to marry the first man I slept with and who went on to abuse at least 3 of you that I know of. I don't spend my day doing exhausting back-breaking work, and I'm not going to die of cholera or end up in a workhouse.

I have numerous gadgets that make my life easy and pleasant. A machine washes my clothes, I don't need a mangle to dry them and the job doesn't take a whole day. I sleep in the softest luxury and my house is warm. I don't have to get on my hands and knees to clean my floors, I have one gadget for curling my hair,another to straighten it then a different one to dry it. I can press my clothes in minutes. 

I can curl and colour my eyelashes. I can sit comfortably unrestricted by corsets and skirts or I can wear both if I choose to. I don't have to swelter in Summer because of the clothes society says I should wear, I can travel the world by myself, and I am free to choose what work I do or I can spend a whole day reading if I want to. There is nobody making any demands on my time and my life is my own.

My wonderful lost family I wholeheartedly apologise for not carrying on your line. You might have been disappointed that I decided not to continue with the daughter (or indeed whole child) thing but I'm pretty sure you'd be proud of me anyway. It's just that I can choose to be whomever I want to be and I chose not to have any children. Sorry about that.

Blogging Challenge Day 13: Ten Things That Make You Really Happy

This is actually the name of the post for day 14 but I've got a friend staying and we've got a wedding to go to later so I haven't the time to spend having a good think and carefully writing the creative post required for today so I've swapped it for an easy one.

1. My cats
2. Going to the cinema
3. Living by the sea
4. Reading and watching things on history 
5. Crocheting
6. Watching the snow fall 
7. Coffee
8. Lovely shoes
9. All the smells, sights, and smells of Autumn
10. Listening to rain on the roof while I'm snuggled up in bed

Blogging Challenge Day 12: What Do You Miss?

The full title of this question is What do you Miss? (a person, a thing, a place, a time in your life).

Hmmm... well apart from missing the point, my cue, a trick, and the boat, these are some things I miss off the top of my head:

• I miss the days when buying 3 drinks cost you less than a tenner
• I miss the days when you phoned a company and could speak to a real person within 10 minutes 
• I miss the dusty smell of my parents garage
• I miss being able to eat whatever I want and not putting on any weight
• I miss the part of being young where I didn't have any responsibilities or even any concept of them
• I miss my Grandma, my Great Grandma, and my cat Fraidy
• I miss the days before people said things like LOL, made stupid smiley faces from brackets, and made up irritating words like guyliner, staycation, and me-time 
• I miss the youthful optimism I used to have when I believed I could change the world
• I miss going to Saturday morning cinema as a kid
• I miss penny sweets - or when you could buy anything for a penny 
• I miss people telling me I don't look my age
• I miss there being deep snow in the winter (not much snow in the seaside town of Brighton)
• I miss the sound of church bells on a Sunday morning