Phew, Made it This Far!

It's my birthday tomorrow (well today the time I finish writing) and I can't believe another year has gone so quickly. Because tonight is Bonfire Night there's always been a bit of a build up to the day itself; my Mum used to tell me that the fireworks were for me, and I always liked to believe her.

I've previously twice spent my birthday in Italy, and would much prefer to be looking over the stunning Bay of Naples at Vesuvius from the beautiful island of Capri if I'm honest - but then again, who wouldn't? The nice thing about going away is that the whole week is special, so you can drag it out and everyone has to be nice to you all the time so you get more mileage out of the event!

I know a lot of people don't care about their birthdays, but I'm not one of those people because I think I'm actually quite lucky to be here; my Mum had just turned 16 when she had me (she's only 54 bless her) and if I had been pregnant at 15, there's no way I would have had a baby - she could have gotten ridden of me just like that and nobody would have blamed her.

When I was a baby, one day I lurched out of her grasp straight out of an open window where I slid down a roof and into a gutter - which was the only thing stopping me from falling through a conservatory. A couple of years later I again took a dive out of a window and incredibly, someone who just happened to be standing in the garden below caught me.

A few years after that, I AGAIN fell out of a 1st floor window and the person sitting next to me on the window seat instinctively quickly grabbed my ankle and caught me - I was clearly a death-wish nosey kid with no fear of heights, but I lived to tell the tales due to the quick wits of my relations! Apparently I was very accident-prone as a child, so it's a miracle I've lasted this long and you're all very lucky to know me!

Lots of things have happened this year; not all of them pleasant. I'm very happy that I set up my business; it's an uphill struggle but I knew it would be when I started and I'm really enjoying being my own boss. I've learned many things this year, not least of all that I'm not always a great adapter to change that I haven't instigated myself, that I can moan for England if I don't keep myself in check and that I still have a rather unattractive ruthless streak (Scorpio, child of Thatcher, or just a bit of a cow?)

I haven't worked on my birthday since I was 17 as I don't believe in it, so I intend to rise late, go to a networking lunch that I enjoy, go and see a film, then meet some friends in the pub for a drink or 10.

I might even wear my Capri pants.

As It Should Be

Around 9 years ago I met someone - we fell in love and were very happy. Sadly he didn't like the town in which I lived; it turned out he was a very much a Northern boy and after a while he returned home. After a few months of travelling back and forth I decided to move to where he was and he bought a house for us to live in. Unfortunately It turned out that I was in fact very much a Southern girl who hated his town with the same passion that I loved and missed mine.

After what I can honestly say was the most unhappiest year of my adult life, I made the decision to leave the first man I had truly loved to return to the place I loved more than him. I knew that if I didn't then I would lose myself completely and make him as unhappy as I was. The last time I saw him he was standing watching my coach pull away as I headed back to Brighton - he then had to go back to the empty house that he'd bought for us to start our new life in.

This evening a mutual friend told me that he'd just gotten married. I saw the Facebook photos and he looked really happy and in love. He was smiling at the dark-haired woman in the white dress - the woman who could just have easily have been me. He looked exactly the same as I remembered him, he was looking at her the way he used to look at me and I felt glad that he was happy and marrying the right person. I then walked all the way home in the rain and threw away the last 2 photos of him that I had kept.