My Dream Car

I don't have a car and can't afford one anyway. But if I did get one it would be this little darling. Behold the gorgeous Nissan Figaro. There are quite a few of them in Brighton and it was love at first sight for me. This is even the colour I want.

Vegas - Like Purgatory?

View from my hotel room

Well Vegas is pretty mental. Before you come you think of it as being this bold, colourful, exciting place where everyone is having fun, fun, fun but in reality it's a 24 hour money-making machine that's essentially all fur coat and no knickers!

It's almost like the situation where everyone tries desperately to have fun at New Year but you know it's all a bit of an effort. In fact, hardly anyone looks like they're enjoying themselves playing poker or slot machines - they sit and stare with dead, empty eyes for hour after hour and they all look really sad. 

There's music everywhere - even in the street. There's always really loud cheesy pop songs blasting out of every building or plaza or some chick telling you to come visit this show or eat in that restaurant. It is full on here. There's also lots of people riding around in mobility scooters who look like they have nothing wrong with them.

It's a mixed bag to be honest. Half of me looks at things and is enthralled and the other half is quite appalled. In The Venetian there are Gondoliers rowing about on water under fake painted dusky skies... on the second floor. How weird is that. The fake Trevi Fountain is fun unless you've been to the real Trevi Fountain. I sound a bit jaded about the place and I have had some fun wandering around taking billions of photos, but it's like being in a dream. This place is not any kind of recognisable reality.

Everyone is out for a buck here; if you have no money, or once you have tipped someone for doing their job, you are history. They have absolutely no interest in you apart from what you can give them. On the plus side though, it's very clean and my hotel room at The Mirage is lovely. The maids even tidy up your toiletries in the bathroom which I found quite unnerving at first - I'm pretty tidy & I line things up so they barely had to touch a thing really.

I do miss BBF a lot. I thought I'd be too busy to miss him but that has not been the case. Turns out it's weird being in a holiday destination without anyone you know! I like my own company but I miss normality, decent coffee and having something to do.

Yesterday I discovered Victoria's Secret though. We don't have one in the UK but their bra's are amazing. When I tried on the bra I ended up buying, I let out an involuntary sigh it was so comfortable. It is like a dream to wear. And strangely a size smaller than the one I was measured for and bought in M&S last week. The 2 I bought are not racy (nude and black) but they are without a doubt the comfiest ones I've ever owned... ever.

I fly back tomorrow which will be strange. I leave Vegas at half 4 on a Wednesday afternoon and arrive back in the UK at 11am Thursday! The flight is 9 hours and I have a driving lesson in the afternoon. I definitely need a nap before I attempt to navigate the streets of Brighton in a Toyota Yaris! 

Another great thing that happened (apart from Victoria's Secret) was that I met up with the formidable Wolynski. I have been following and commenting on her brilliant blogs for around 3 years and a couple of days ago she came to the hotel and we had coffee out by the pool. She is a right character and was a joy to be around even if it was only for a couple of hours. How she manages to live here is incredible to me, but I've only seen the touristy strip part of Vegas and not the 'real' bit though.

Anyway, that is Vegas so far. I arrived on Saturday and go home tomorrow; I have yet to talk shop with my potential future employer and I'm sitting around waiting to be summoned. I have no idea why I'm here, what my purpose is, or what is expected of me. I'm in the dark and a bit lost to be honest. We shall see what happens but at the moment it's all a bit unsettling.

STG Post - Spring, Cemeteries And Heifers

Hey Star Trek Girl! Sorry for the long gap in writing but I've been very busy and you were just here not long ago! Mostly I've just been busy and crap though.

The clocks go forward at the weekend so Spring is kinda here. As you know, I have a bizarre abhorrence of daffodils so I'm not ever bowled over by the first signs of Spring; it's nice cos you know Summer is coming but I could personally live forever in Autumn. Spring has a bit of a snidey religious undertone, and the best things about it for me are Creme Eggs and Bank Holidays! As you can see in this photo, Spring is announced and super heroes roam the streets wild and in pairs.

The Brighton Festival starts soon and I've seen loads of things in The Fringe that I want to go to; I doubt that I'll do many due to cost, but I'd really like to go on the Woodvale Cemetery Tour and the Ghost Walk... morbid little thing that I am! Brighton always has some fabulous things going on; they had a 'Festival of Food' a week or so ago down by the Theatre Royal, and I saw a banner today for a 'Festival of Shopping' - I'd really like to help them out with that one, but unless I win the lottery they'll have to manage without me!

I went to see Emma the other day and she said she was having an awful week; her dentist has told her she has level-4 gum disease (they look fine and she wasn't aware anything was amiss) apparently it's not a case of IF all her teeth fall out, but WHEN they do. I would say she was definitely having a bad week... and it was only Tuesday poor cow.

With regards to my love-life I'm still a big fat loser, but I don't feel that bad as it's quite fashionable at the moment; even Sandra Bullock's relationship has gone for a Burton - big, ugly, untalented heifer that she is! So I'm both bang on trend and in good company. In fact, I count myself lucky that I've managed to miss out the being cheated on part and just jumped straight to the being single bit. 

Well it's gone 1am so I should call it a day (night?) I spose; I imagine I will speak to you very soon and I'm looking forward to reading about your 4-day trip to Syria! Love ya girly. x

All Good on The Brighton Front

I think this is going to be a brilliant weekend. Today Star Trek Girl is back from Amman for a couple of days and I'm going up to London to see her; she is one of my dearest friends and I've really missed her while she's been away - we talk on Skype most days but it's not the same.

Later we'll come back to Brighton for afternoon tea and then tonight I'm going to see Chris Addison at a comedy night (I'm not too sure who he is but he's supposed to be good) tomorrow I'm having coffee with a friend to be briefed on the lifestyle and routine of his cat Mischief who I am supervising for a couple of days next week, then I'm out for Sunday lunch and then going to see Tim Burton's Wonderland in the evening.

I've been running around like a loon this past week. Business is good and I'm procuring the moon on a stick on a regular basis. Last night I went over to an old friends house as her boyfriend was away and her son was in bed - we watched Persuasion, drank some incredible wine and had a really good catch-up. We both have very different lives but are equally as happy with the choices we've made - she had a baby whilst I chose shoes.

Talking of shoes, last week I bought a particularly cute pair of turquoise wedges (big fan of wedges; they make you taller but you can still run for a bus if you're inclined that way) I hadn't really bought new shoes for a while so yesterday I decided to go out and buy another pair. I ended up coming home with season 1 and 2 of Mad Men and a necklace.

The shoes out there were hideous; sometimes fashion goes through trends that are less than savoury and now seems to be one of those times - Gladiator sandals are surely one of the most repugnant unflattering things ever to stalk the Earth. I saw some items that were so nasty they made my eyes water. One offender was this heeled trainer, I actually recoiled when I saw them in case they touched me.

Talking of being a snob, yesterday I met a friend in his favourite cafe and they served his coffee in a dirty cup with a chipped saucer. He didn't even notice, but when she asked what she could get me and I asked for a white coffee in a clean cup, my friend gave the impression that I was being a bit demanding.

I used to run restaurants and if their cups are dirty then their kitchen is probably filthy, but when did having some standards suddenly make you high-maintenance? For some reason this sub-standard dive was his favourite cafe, but I'll not be frequenting the Inside Out on Gloucester Road again.

I will however, let you know what Wonderland was like - I so hope it's good!

What, So Now I Work Here?

I fucking despise self-serve checkouts. Not satisfied with taking our money, charging over inflated prices and laying out the shop in a such a way that you can't find anything; we now have to work there for free as well!

They seem to have sprung up in most of the main supermarkets so I'm finding it increasingly hard to avoid using them. I say to myself "it'll be fine; you're a sensible, intelligent girl, you'll breeze through that in a jiffy; it surely can't be as stressful as last time" - but no, it always takes twice as long, they suddenly can't recognise a bloody bar code or a reward card; you're pissing around with your purse, trying to pack the bag correctly and work out where the receipt or change is going to spring from - and all under the watchful gaze of a bored shop assistant who is paid to watch you struggle!

This afternoon I reached a new low and demeaned myself by actually shouting at one - I had only just rocked up to it and the voice of a harpie started repeating that there was an "unexpected item in the baggage area". The only thing hanging in the baggage area was a carrier bag - you know, that item they put there that they expect you to use for bagging up your shopping. I ruffled the bag a couple of times but she still couldn't work out what was going on and continued to repeat that there was an 'unexpected item' so I then loudly shouted "WHAT, LIKE A BAG?!?!"

Amazingly this seemed to solve the problem; she then decided that it was indeed one of their own carrier bags and let me proceed with my transaction ending with "please take your shopping" ...thanks for the tip lady, I was just about to walk off and leave my shopping because I only come here for relaxation and a laugh. Go on, tell me again to take my change because I thought I'd just leave that too.

I have to admit that I was still so full of rage when I lef the store that I had to put Classic FM on as soon as I got home... I feel angry just reliving the experience again actually.

Not The Way I Roll

Leading on from my last post; I had another experience yesterday that hammered home my suspicion that family life is not for me... I accompanied my landlady and her daughter on a food shopping trip.

Included in my rent is all my food; she cooks every evening and I can choose to join them or reheat my meal later. Obviously this means that at some point she needs to go to the supermarket and stock up on food for the next few weeks - I had managed to avoid this so far but last night I was roped in to help... It was horrendous.

I CANNOT BELIEVE that this is what families do all the time! I simply cannot believe it. It was really stressful; we had to drive there, she bought shit loads of stuff so the trolley was piled sky high, I had to try and manoeuvre this around the store, whack it all onto the conveyor belt, try to get it all into a billion bags, put it all back in the trolley, wheel the damn trolley to the car, transfer it all again to the car, drive home, transfer it to the house and then put it all away. The whole thing took nearly 2 hours! 2 hours!

My usual experience of food shopping is to grab a basket, stroll casually around with Mozart on my Walkman (has to be classical or I will one day actually kill someone) thinking to myself 'now, what exactly do people eat?' I then wander the aisles picking up nice condiments and ready meals so I don't have to stop doing something enjoyable in order to cook (read prior article about my hatred of cooking) I may loiter in the magazine section, but I would estimate that I am in and out within 20 minutes - done. Finished. Over - jobs a good 'un.

I had no idea that this was something that people go through, and on a regular basis as well. I'm still traumatised and shocked by the whole ordeal. I'd HATE to do that all the time; it was not fun in any way. I imagine that you'd also have to take into consideration what everyone else would want, the kids would be demanding stuff and hanging off the trolley. it was a right effing hassle and I can't convince her to shop online.

I'm going to have to come up with a marvelous excuse to get out of the next trip - either that or I'm taking a Valium an hour before.

We're Gunna Need a Bigger Purse

Right, this is getting ridiculous now.... in my purse I now have:

• A debit card
• A library card
• A cinema pass
• A Boots reward card (drugstore)
• A Sainsburys nectar card
• A Tesco Clubcard
• A Debenhams reward card (departments store)
• A Waterstones reward card(bookstore)
• A HMV reward card
• A Game reward card (computer game shop)
• A Game gift voucher card
• A Bagelman reward card (they stamp it)
• A Moksha coffee reward card (they stamp it)
• A donor card
• A Hairdressers reward card (they stamp it)
• A T-Mobile top-up card
• A few of my business cards

That's 17 cards in all - this is madness. If I had credit cards or store cards then that would be even more!

I like to have them as I can get money off etc; but trying to find the right bloody one each time is becoming a nightmare - I fumble my way through each transaction: "hold on; I know it's here somewhere..." whilst the queue builds up and I start to drop things - then I have to get my money out OR the debit card as well. Is it just me or do you guys have a billion cards as well?

Something has to be done - I'm writing to my MP!

But Will It Fit In The Car?

I went to the shopping Mecca that is IKEA yesterday and I'm still recovering! I've only ever been once before and it's actually quite full-on. There was so much choice that I felt quite overwhelmed, and by the end of it I was mentally exhausted with unfulfilled options.

A friend of mine has just bought a house and needed to get some bits and pieces to furnish it with. At first I felt disappointed that it wasn't my house that we were decorating, but eventually I was relieved - there were so many things there; what if I picked the wrong items - my house could end up a flatpack smorgasbord.

The response I met from others when informing them of my imminent IKEA visit fell firmly into 2 camps - there were those that grimaced as if I had just told them I was going for a root canal; and the others who looked very excited and started to write down their order. The one thing they all agreed on however, was that it was essential to order the meatballs and 'jam' from the cafe. When I got here though, it looked decidedly like vomit so I opted for the fish and chips instead.

By the end of the day I felt shattered; measurements had been involved and it was all quite stressful. Deciphering the names was pretty interesting: Klunsa, Logga and Pyssla to name a few and I came away with the nagging suspicion that IKEA is a purpose-built social experiment designed to separate the Aspviks from the Bjurstas.