Blogging Challenge Day 15: Something Difficult About Your "Lot In Life" And How You're Working To Overcome It

I guess all in all I'm pretty lucky. I'm a white woman in a western country who is free to do pretty much what she wants. All my problems are 'First World' ones and, in the big scheme of things and relative to the rest of the world, I don't have much to moan about. But I am somewhat of a complainer by nature so let me do my best to answer that question for you!

My something difficult:

The problem that's arisen over and over again for me is the issue of affordable housing. At the moment I'm in the incredibly fortunate position of having most of my rent paid by a client who needs a UK address. This is, of course, a unique situation - but if and when he decides he doesn't need a property here then I've got some thinking to do. 

I've written many posts on here about how I'm always moving house and how expensive it is to rent here. All the money I spend on rent means I can't save for a deposit plus I can't get a mortgage anyway because I work for myself.  Even renting through an agency means coughing up 6 months rent in advance and all rental agencies here gyp you for costs wherever they can.

So my something difficult is affording a place to live on my own (I don't want to live in a shared house in my forties) and still being able to pay bills and go out and basically have a life. This one-bed flat plus bills without any help would be around £1000 ($1542) per month. Which is a lot.

How I'm working to overcome it:

Both my businesses are doing ok but I still have the problems I mentioned above. I do however have options. I suppose I could move into a shared house as long as the other person was ok - but things would still be in a state of flux as they might want to move out, we might not get on, and frankly I'd like to live on my own. I want something permanent and I don't want to spend nearly every penny I earn on rent and bills and I don't want to worry that I can't pay each month.

I'm overcoming the problem by trying to save money and researching my options. Saving will only get me so far and won't solve the issues completely but it might give me a bit of a head start and allow me to even raise the advance rent if I went through an agency. I've not saved much but I know I need to and I  have started to get a good enough income (most months) that I'm kinda in the position to put some away a bit at a time. 

I'm also starting to give some thought to moving out of town if I lost my flat. Although I could love anywhere in theory as both my businesses are virtual, I also have  a life here and I love the town I live in. So I don't really want to move but I could. I could even move abroad to France perhaps as I have a friend that does and he manages it. I'm not sure how that would work for me emotionally in practice although I'm fine with it in theory.

Another option that has crossed my mind is buying and living full time in a large RV-type campervan or on a canal boat. Both options are do-able in theory but I need to research both options thoroughly and save my arse off. I think I'd be ok with the practical aspects and I can even drive now thank god, but I'm not sure about the day to day emotional aspects of either - being on the move or being away from people I know, that kind of thing. Both mean I could travel with my cats and carry on freelancing as long as I had a reliable Internet connection.

All quite exciting possibilities actually but all terrifying at the same time! I'm quite brave but I don't want to do something silly either. All is well here for the time being, but a gal has to plan ahead. 

The UK Housing Market is a Disgrace

I move house again this morning and my last post about how many times I've moved and how much it costs to live here has raised a few eyebrows and questions, so I thought I'd give you a full run down of the sorry state of affairs that is the UK rental market.

My new place is a one bedroom flat with no garden, no pool, no separate laundry room (unheard of here) and no walk in wardrobes or anything special. It's nice but it's noting special,  It's the biggest one I saw, and one of the cheapest coming in at £780 per month - which is just under $1239. Most one-bed places are £800 upwards and nice ones with gardens or patios can be up to £1000 per month.

So Wolynski in Vegas with her one-bed apartment with shared pool and laundry room at $500 (£314) per month, and Eve in Canada at $655 (£412) per month for her one-bed ground floor apartment with patio and shared laundry room are lucky, lucky, lucky beyond belief. 

And no, the wages here don't reflect the prices. As a freelancer I don't make a lot - but nor does anyone in this area. A lot of us commute up to London to make enough money - the train fares are astronomical of course. In fact the UK has the smallest living spaces of any European country. We all just struggle - that's what we do here.

Even when I worked full-time I only took home £1300 per month ($2064) which still would have left me with little money left after I'd paid for bills, food, going out etc. And then on top there's Christmas, birthdays, going out, saving, haircuts, holidays, pets... just having a life really.

The wages in London are higher but then so is the rent. It's cheaper to buy a place but the banks aren't giving out mortgages unless you have a whopping deposit - which nobody can afford because they're spending all their money on rent! Also, to rent as a Freelancer I have to pay 6 months deposit up front if I go with an estate agency, and show 3 years worth of records if I want to buy.

The only people I know who have bought property here have either had help from their parents, they inherited money, or they went back home to live so they could save a deposit. Dreadful. I'm not sure about rents in the rest of Europe, but I know they operate much longer term leases than we do. Also Brighton in particular is expensive as it's considered a 'cool' place to live. 

My friend pays £700 ($1111) per month for a 2 bed flat 5 train stops out of Brighton but she had to cash in her savings to afford the 6 months rent in advance as she is also a freelancer.

I could never afford to live in this new flat on my own if my client wasn't paying half (a rarity), and even then my half is still $690 per month which is only a little more expensive that the whole of Eve's rent. If things change then I will definitely have to move out of Brighton where rents are lower even though I really love this town. So count your blessings today people. 

Nineteen Homes in Eighteen Years

Regular readers will know that I have moved house a load of times. But I'm not really sure if you're aware exactly how many times it's been. Well my next house will be move number 19... And that's only since I moved to Brighton!

#1 - this was the first place I moved in to when I arrived in Brighton at the end of October 1994 a week before my 23rd birthday. It was a diddy ground floor bedsit with a shared bathroom. It was an absolute dive with an electricity meter that ate 50p's - but I was happy because I had a place all to myself in this amazing new town by the sea. This is when I got my little cat Fraidy.

#2 - this was a huge four-storey, four-bed shared house where an assortment of people passed through. We had a flat roof terrace and spent a lot of our time doing things we shouldn't.

#3 - a two-bed place with a garden where I lived with three consecutive nightmare flatmates. A girl I knew from my old town who washed her clothes after every time she wore them, a guy who I had to teach how to wash up, and another guy who was such a disgusting slob that you couldn't see the floor of his room. I had to move out when he stopped paying his rent.

#4 - the only other time I lived on my own. I loved this little one-bed flat but couldn't afford to stay once the rent reached £100 per week. Finding a place at that price here would be impossible now.

#5 - a lovely, sunny four-bed house with a garden that I eventually lived in three separate times.  I can't remember why I moved from here the first time.

#6 - a first floor, three-bed flat right under the train viaduct. We had nightmare noisy, thuggish downstairs neighbours who made our lives a misery. I have no idea why we chose this flat cos it was terrible. When I left I took the neighbours electricity key - and I have NO idea where you would get one of them from. AND they were already on emergency haha!

#7 -  this is when I moved up to Yorkshire to be with a guy I'd fallen in love with. We moved to his folks first for a few weeks before our house was ready, but I won't count this one as two moves! I lived with him for a year before I could bear it no longer and came back to Brighton. I loved him but I loved Brighton more. I'd always thought was home was where you made it, but when I had the chance to test this theory, it turned out it wasn't true for me. I am a southern gal.

#8 - I'd gotten a job through Star Trek Girl working at her friends pub (he is the person I still work for at the festivals now) however there was a six week gap before the flat above the pub became free so I moved into the spare room back at house #5. as friends of mine were still living there.

#9 - the pub. I started as Assistant Manager then moved up to Manager. I lived there a couple of years before I moved out as I'd had enough of living and working in the same place. Everyone knows your business and you're always at work!

#10 - I stayed with a boyfriend for the three week interim before I moved back in to house #5. I'm counting this one as I moved all my stuff there... before I moved it all back out again!

#11 - back to sunny garden house #5 for the third time! I lived there for a while until a new flatmate came and changed the dynamics. She had lost a sister to suicide, so when the other flatmate's brother killed himself, they bonded together and turned on me for some reason. It all came to a head when the new flatmate (who was also an alcoholic with self-harm issues) sent a nasty text about me to the other girl - but accidentally sent it to me instead.

#12 - so I moved next door! I'd been friends with our neighbour and his 2 daughters for a long time by now and jumped at the chance to rent one of his spare rooms. It was supposed to be temporary until I found somewhere else. I just needed to leave the bitch house to be honest.

#13 - moving up the road into a two-bed with a friend I used to live with at #5 (are you following this?) we moved into the flat that he found at short notice because his tenancy was running out - but it had no bath, no heating, and horrendous noisy music-student neighbours. They played the drums at all hours and you could hear their banal conversations through the walls. We used to smack the wall with a baseball bat but we really wanted to smack them instead.

#14 - so I moved into a friends two-bed flat with her. She used to be my Assistant Manager when I managed the pub, her flatmate was about to move out, and the timing was perfect. This was the lovely, happy home I was living in when I started writing this blog. This has been my favourite place to live and I only moved out when her boyfriend moved in once his own lease was up. Fair enough - they now have a baby with another on the way! This was the flat I lived in when I decided to go freelance, when Fraidy died and when I got Dexter.

#15 - I had nowhere to go as I had just gone freelance and was working all Summer at festivals with only a week or two between them so had no time to look. I moved in with a girl I had just gotten to know  as she needed a new flatmate. But within just a few weeks Dexter was killed by a car and I couldn't bear to stay there any longer. I also had no phone reception, she was weird and only slept on the sofa, and I lived so far out of town in one week I had taken 25 buses. I wasn't at all happy there.

#16 - I then stayed with a woman I used to work for years ago. It looked great on paper but I only stayed 6 weeks or so as her house was smoky, filthy, and she was quite needy. I was pretty depressed at this point and, looking back, it was the lowest point of my life. 

#17 - I hated living in the dirty house so moved back into house #12 for the second time when his tenant moved out. I hoped this would again be just for a short time as it wasn't the ideal situation. He was very easy going, the house was tidy, and I felt comfortable there though.

#18 - I met my boyfriend and moved in with him after three months of being together. We thought each other was 'the one'. It turned out we were wrong and I made the decision to move out after two years together.

#19 - this is the one-bed flat I will be moving to next week. My client has signed for and paid a one-year lease so I know I'm ok until then at least. It's lovely and I think I will be happy there. I have decided that I will move from here only when they drag me kicking and screaming from the property. I am determined to afford it myself even if my client doesn't renew. Not least because I don't want to keep bloody moving!

I just worked out that I also moved 7 times between leaving my parents house and moving to Brighton. I'm a person that really likes to have a secure and lovely home so it's odd that it's something that's so far evaded me. I never felt at home at my parents either - one day my Mum angrily said to me "this is our house and you just live here", I remember replying "so where's my home?" dreadful really.

So wish me luck on move number 19 next Friday. May it be the last one for a while because my best friend is absolutely sick of buying Welcome to Your New Home cards for me.

Holidays And Houses

This time next week I shall be in Italy... woooo hoooo! I can't bloody wait. I don't think it's going to be that much warmer than it is here but it's going to be so nice to get away for five days. The photo above is of my dream house which is just in front of the B&B we're staying in. That's Vesuvius over the Bay of Naples in the background.

We managed to get an amazing deal as well. The flights were £30 each way per person through EasyJet, then the accommodation was just £150 for the room between us. BETWEEN US!. The hotel calls itself a B&B and I guess it is; it's an old Abbey called Porto Salvo in a place called Sant'Agnello which is about 20 mins walk from the centre of Sorrento. 

Pompeii and Vesuvius

I've stayed there twice before in fact. It has thick white walls, wooden shutters, tiled floors, and orange trees in the garden. It's lovely. And it's very cheap. Plus it's about 12 seconds walk from the edge of the cliff overlooking the azure waters of the Bay of Naples. From here you can get the train to Naples, Pompeii, and Herculaneum. I've been to these places before of course, but Pompeii was so incredible that you could go every day for months and still see something new.

Then 8 days after I get back I move into my new flat. My lovely, bright, white, one-bed flat just for me. I still can't quite believe it actually. I'll have bills to pay but, because my client is paying half of the rent (well he has actually paid the entire one-year lease up front, I'm just paying half back to him each month) I should be in a great position to save up some money for my future.

Plus I can have Christmas in my flat again. My boyfriend hates Christmas and insists on telling me over again why it's shit thus ruining the whole thing for me. I try to show him why I love it, but he's not having any of it. So this year I'm going to get me a little tree and decorate it. Yes siree. I'm not going to go mad, but you will be able to tell it's bloody Christmas in my house! I'm pretty excited about that part actually. That and having a bright place to live that looks exactly like I want it to.

I fully appreciate this is an odd situation and almost like an old-fashioned concept of having a benefactor.This guy paid for me to learn to drive, flew me to Vegas (where he pretty much ignored me) and is now enabling me to have my dream living situation - and I've met him 3 times! He is a client and could drop me or even drop dead at any point, but I'm enjoying it while I can. 

Roll on November!

Ten Down ? To Go

Brighton: Still worth it?

I have now been to see 10 properties in 6 days - this flat hunt is proving harder than I thought! Brighton is now not worth the money in my opinion. It's a case of Emperors New Clothes and the price of the properties are outweighing the benefits of living here. Brighton has gotten too big for its boots and believes it's own hype.

I have seen some of the tiniest one-bedroom flats you could imagine and they cost £800 a month. And they are the cheap ones! What a disgrace. None of them would even fit my client's dining room table. And they wonder why people don't sit down to eat any more - because they can't even get a table in their bloody flats is why!

If I had to move again on my own I could not afford to live here any more. Yes it's a city, yes it's quite near to London, and yes it's by the sea, but we're an island for God's sake - there's a lot of bloody towns by the sea here! I have seen some ok places a bit further out but even they are expensive. And I can't imagine the prices going downwards in the future can you?

When I first started this blog I lived with a friend in her 2-bed house. I went to see her yesterday as she's expecting another baby and she told me they'd just accepted an offer and were moving out of town so they could have a proper garden (proper means grass not a tiny concrete space) she said that I was one of her few friends left in Brighton as the others had been priced out or moved to get a better life and a bigger home.

Another friend has moved 25 mins train journey away as she split up with her boyfriend and couldn't get anything in town she could afford. She now pays £700 per month for a lovely 2 bedroom flat where she works from home - but she had to move 15 miles away. The problem is that, as freelancers, agencies want you to pay 6 months rent up front so she had to cash in her savings bonds and now has nothing left. Who has that kind of money? It's ridiculous.

Nobody can get on the housing ladder in the UK without help and, because I'm a freelancer, I have to give 3 years financial records to prove to the banks (that I helped bail out) that I could afford their mortgage. So people here are being charged a fortune in rent which means they can't save the money to put down a deposit for a more permanent home. The flats here are all converted houses so you often have noisy neighbours. I personally have moved around 16 times in 20 years.

What a nightmare. I should be able to find somewhere for £800 out of town a bit to live in but I can only afford it as my client will be paying half. I'm going to use the opportunity to save like a sod so I can make sure I'm not ever left in this situation again. He might not be a client for ever so I need to make sure I'm ok. Ideally he'd buy a flat in the area and let me rent it haha! 

I'm not even sure if I can take Dillinger with me as most of the properties don't have access for him to get out and all the landlords say no pets anyway. They won't know that I'll be living in the flat let alone a cat as well. The whole thing is proving a bit stressful now and it's only been a week.

And The Housing Solution!

So as I mentioned in the previous post, I emailed the American client cheekily asking if I could find him another flat for when his lease is up on the 20th November... and he said yes!  In fact that's all he said. I opened with "would you be open to the possibility of..." and he sent that one word answer. He's not a very chatty man...

I don't think he really cares to be honest. As long as the flat is nice, not too expensive, and quite central then he's not too bothered. The routine is that I find him a place and pay the deposit from his account (I'm a signatory) the agents then email him the contract and ask for references. He scans the forms and emails them back along with a wire for 6 months rent up front (nice) I then get the keys. And this time I move in!!! Blimey.

I haven't told my boyfriend yet but I could barely sleep for thinking about it. I've basically been told I can just go and find a nice one bedroomed flat for myself and my cat then pay half the rent. When does that happen?! I think this was the thing that kept me from leaving to be honest, that and the fact that I do actually care about my boyfriend - I'm just not sure if I'm in love with him. Not how I want to be in love anyway.

I will let you know how it all pans out and at the same time will try not to bore you with my love life. I feel bad talking about him so meanly as well because he's a good bloke but I don't think he's the bloke for me any more sadly. I just have to extricate myself from this situation with as much damage limitation as possible - for both me and him. 

We're also going on holiday together to Sorento for my birthday at the beginning of November for 5 days. I will have to tell him before then obviously and the only 2 options are that we still go together, or I buy him out and go with someone else or on my own. The holiday was very cheap so I could afford to do this. 

It's all quite exciting, scary, a bit sickening, and very sad. But sometimes these things don't work out and you just have to move on. This is such a shame as my boyfriend is a really decent person who's heart is in the right place, but we don't really make each other happy any more. He's said that in the past he'd stayed in relationships even when they weren't working, but I'm not like that and I need to move on as quickly as possible. Life is too short to do anything you're not really into. I won't even carry on reading a book if it doesn't prove its worth after the first couple of chapters!

So moving time again. As always I will let you know how it all pans out. 

* I just told the boyfriend and he is ok with it. I said if I stay here then our relationship is doomed and I will need a new place to live anyway. If I move out then maybe we can salvage it. He agreed. Phew!

Housing Dilemma - AGAIN!

If you know me or have been reading this blog a while, you'll know that I have moved house about a billion times. For some reason I've found it impossible to find a home for myself. Not just a house but an actual home where I can stay for a while and relax in with all my things around me and no nightmare flatmates or noisy neighbours.

Brighton is a nightmare for housing. I'm 40 and cannot afford to live on my own - hardly anyone can. A tiny one-bed flat here is at least £700+ per month and a bedsit is about £600+. Bedsits are tiny, they are diddy, usually horrid places that you'd go mad in. I don't want one of those. 

At the mo I live with my boyfriend in his flat. I've had issues with this as mentioned in a previous blog post. His basement flat is dusty, spidery and really dark. You have to put the lights on in the back of the house to see even in the Summertime. It's rammed full of his stuff that he won't get rid of, and the flat in no way reflects my taste or personality. We're also having relationship problems...

Things have changed in the 2 years since I met him and I'm not very happy. Without over-sharing we are more like flatmates who just sleep in the same bed, or like friends who aren't always very friendly towards each other. He has changed from a brilliant find into someone I don't think I want to be with any more. I think he's always been like this but I didn't realise how much it would effect me over time.

He sometimes suffers from depression yet refuses to do anything about it; he's really lazy, incredibly unmotivated, and all he likes to do is to go out and drink for hours. That's his one and only hobby and he has nothing else in his life that makes him happy. He's not an alcoholic but I don't like it when he goes out and comes home stinking of booze between 4 and 5 in the morning (5 o clock last night and 4 o clock on Friday) I'm not impressed by his lack of ambition and I don't really respect or admire his lifestyle either. My real father was (is) a complete drunk and it's not something I like being around. My boyfriend is never violent or anything - it's just very boring!

This sounds really harsh I know, but when you're quite a positive and motivated person (or trying your hardest to be) being with someone who is so negative about everything can really bring you down. 

I didn't know he was going to be like this as we got together very quickly and I moved  in after 3 months. He even went out drinking with his mates the night I moved in. This man is 41 and I don't think I really want a boyfriend like this. It's been like this for so long now that I've been thinking of moving out.

You may remember that I have a very wealthy American client who paid for me to learn to drive as well as flying me out to Vegas for a week for his son's birthday. He has a one-bed flat here by the Marina that I found for him that he hasn't even stayed one night in. The 6 month lease is up in November and I emailed him to remind him of this - I also mentioned that I was thinking of moving but would make sure there was no change to his service.

He suggested that I move into his flat and then pay him half the rent - when he comes to town he would simply stay in a hotel and use the flat to store bits and bobs. I think he just needs a UK residence as he has a company here. On one hand this would be an amazing opportunity for me; to get a one-bed flat for under £400 a month would be remarkable.  I'd need to put some of his stuff in storage to get all my stuff in, but the problem is that it is a bit small (I chose the flat for his needs not mine) but there is no outside space for my cat Dillinger.

I love my little cat and I really don't want to leave him, so I cheekily emailed the client today suggesting that I find him another property of the same value with outside space so that I could move into it. What a nerve I know! I just figured that it wouldn't hurt to ask and he doesn't really care one way or another. He's hardly here and if I pick a place I can also live in, then it costs him even less. You never know.

So all in all a bit grim at the moment. The words "I don't want to be your girlfriend any more" have been on the tip of my tongue for months and months. we've only been going out together for 2 years and things have been a bit rubbish for most of this year. Surely relationships shouldn't be this hard? You shouldn't have to work at them this hard! The thing is I haven't split up with him. A friend of mine remarked that this was a very strange thing for me - she said I was usually very decisive and she'd never seen me faff around like this.

I don't know why this is, but I don't think this is the type of relationship I want and I'm tired and bored of trying to make it better. But I really don't know why I haven't given up already when I feel like I've tried everything. You can't make a relationship work on  your own..

I'll let you know how it all turns out.

Ready, Aim, Fire The Freelancer

Been up to loads this last week, but busier than a one legged man in an arse-kicking competition so please excuse my absence.

My move in to BBF's went very smoothly - thank God it wasn't happening this weekend cos we're up to our ears in snow! (well just over our ankles but you get the idea) I LOVE being here with him; we haven't been together very long at all but I think the world of him and couldn't imagine being without him now. I finally feel that my pickyness paid off because I wasn't going to settle for anything less!

Last weekend we went with a couple of friends of his to a kind of 'activity thing' that they booked on Groupon. We went out to this farm in the next county and they went quad biking (not my bag - I'm not keen on getting dirty and the helmet smelled) then we had a go at archery and axe throwing -like you do.

Turns out that I am pretty good at firing arrows and hurling hatchets. I took to the archery straight away but chucked my first round of axes straight into the mud. Not sure how I managed to get better but I put it down to pure talent (read as luck) I'm not sure when I'll need this skill but then you never know what the future holds!

I've been pretty busy with work this week as well, although the nightmare client decided that he couldn't really afford me (no shit Sherlock) and I was saved from firing him, his festive timing is a bit worrying.  I'm sure I'll manage without his money and the grief that came with it - I've got a couple of new clients, and things usually sort themselves out.

Not much else to report apart from being busy (when am I not?) unpacking, working, and directing weaponry. I am though, very,very happy.

Home at Last?

I think it's now officially winter so it must be time to move house again. As mentioned in previous posts, I have moved 17 times in 16 years, and on Saturday I'll be making that move number 18... because I am moving in with BBF.

I'd often worried about living with boyfriends as I've always needed so much space to myself that I've never been sure how it would work. Strangely, BBF is the one and only person I've ever met who I can spend 24 hours around and not want to kill - I even need a few hours space from my best friend and she is brilliant company! 

Lots of things about myself have changed since I met him and all in a good way. I love being around him and find it really hard to sleep on the rare occasion that I go back to my own house (I pretty much just go home to pay rent then come back again) I can stand being in his company constantly, I find it hard to stay in a mood when he's around, and I let him be really annoying around me without punching his face in - which is unheard of!

For years, I've  heard people say "when you know, you know" but I've always thought "well HOW do you know?" and now I get it.  When I told my (extremely sensible) dad a few weeks ago that I was going to move in, I expected him to advise caution but instead he said he'd never heard me talk about anyone like this and that I seemed certain about him since the day we met so I should go for it.  I'd never have considered moving in with someone this soon, but it doesn't feel strange at all - strangely!

My apologies if you've all just thrown up in your own mouths, but I couldn't just move house without mentioning it and, to be fair, it is all rather sickening if you're not us. I feel really lucky to tell you the truth; this time last year I was having the shittiest time I could remember, and now I'm happier than I've ever been. I'm also very glad that I'm an expert house mover!

AAAAAAND Relax...

It's been another busy week for me - because of the whole house-moving thing, I hadn't properly gotten my head down for a few days, so today I have been slaving over a hot laptop trying to catch up with the billions of things I had to do. Saying that, I did go to the cinema on Monday, a friends house for pancakes on Tuesday, out drinking on Wednesday, over to another friends for lunch (more pancakes!) yesterday and out for breakfast this morning - so I guess that's what I've been busy doing!

I love being back in this house again; it's lovely and clean, I can watch TV without losing the reception every 10 minutes and I can wi-fi to my hearts content! My desk is right in the bay window and I've been sitting in the morning sunlight with my solar-powered Flip Flap plant happily bouncing away (the only plant I can keep alive says the woman who has killed FIVE cacti!) I'm a couple of metres above street-level which makes for a nice view as well.

Although I thought I'd be surrounded by boxes, everything went into the attic so I'm actually very comfortable. Despite my pictures and books being in storage, the room is far more comfy that I'd imagined and I've settled back in extraordinarily quickly. Last night we sat in front of the open fire and watched Newsnight whilst drinking wine and eating cheese and biscuits - it was like I'd never left.

Change - Yet Not

Right, it's been decided - I am moving house again next week. I'm actually not even going to bother unpacking this time and the things I rarely look at are going straight up into the loft. I'm saving to get a lovely house-share in town with a friend but I'm now going to save from a different house.

I actually used to live in this house before (same room) it's not as central but it is clean, tidy, there's a shower, a nice big desk in the window, wi-fi and an aerial in my room so I can be reunited with all 30 000 channels! My landlord also doesn't smoke and leaves me to get on with what I'm doing without making me be 'part of everything' so I can just chill out in my room like the anti-social sod that I am.

I'm packing this weekend and should be moving sometime next week. There I can cool my boots and save up nicely for when I get the 'proper' house. There will probably be more incentive as well because I'll be living amongst boxes. I'm just going to take out 5 or 6 books, my dvd's, clothes and work etc; and the rest will be in the loft room, which is easily accessible anyway should I need to retrieve anything.

I should write a how-to book on moving because, after moving 17 times in 15 years, I am officially an expert!

The Moon on a Stick

It looks like I may not be moving after all. Apparently there's now a whopping great piano in the room that was built in there, plus a new bed (I have my own) I can't say I was too disappointed - I've just gotten settled and he said he wasn't really up for any pets there after all.

I saw on the news earlier that the fact people here can't afford to buy their own homes without parental support is becoming a major issue. Most people I know rent their homes, and the few that do own them either had money from their folks, moved back to their parents rent-free for a few years to save the deposit, or had inheritances. Personally, I can't see how I can EVER afford to buy a little flat of my own; I don't mind renting but I'd love like to stay somewhere long enough to call it home.

In Europe most people rent; they have long-term leases which means that people can often stay in the same house for most of their lives - but because we don't have similar systems over here, you can find yourself moving constantly (ahem!) There are Government schemes for rent-to-buy etc, but the waiting lists are staggering, and they select 'needy' people first. I'm not needy but I still need a home!

Because I'm a freelancer letting agents require 3 months bank statements, letters from my clients stating how much they pay me and a guarantor! This means that even my renting options are more limited; there's fewer private landlords around as well so even finding somewhere decent to rent is difficult. With studio flats/bedsits renting for £500+ a month, 1-bedroom flats at £650+ and 2-bedroom places going for at least £850+ a month, there is almost no way that I will ever be able to live on my own which is very depressing.

So because I'm single I have to either spend literally ALL my income on rent and bills or live with other people - this has been fine so far, but I'm not so appealing once I get into my forties. I think my plan will have to be to save enough money for a 2-bedroom place (I'd need around £1800) then find a suitable flat-mate. This would mean that I get to choose who I live with and can have a cat; which is clearly very important to me!

In my opinion I should be receiving discounts or rebates from the government anyway - I don't have a car, am not obese, don't drink, don't smoke, rarely fly, and have no children. Therefore I am not using much of my NI and tax contributions; I'm not a burden on the NHS, my carbon footprint is negligible and I'm putting money into the economy - I don't take a lot but also don't get any perks for being so 'good'!

So this year I will be saving my arse off; I've not long set up my business so I won't know how long it'll take me to find the deposit and be able to comfortably afford the utilities, the wi-fi, food and other personal bills, but this year I'm going to make damned sure it will happen... wish me luck.

All Change

Right, quick update as I'm busier than a 1-legged man at an arse-kicking competition!

Home - Moving house on Friday. Whilst I was at my parents I got a call from a lady I know who has a little holistic therapy shop in town; I used to work for her 15 years ago and we'd kept in touch. Anyway, she never calls me (I just pop into her shop now and then) and when I asked her why she'd rung me she said she hadn't a clue! She asked what had been going on with me and when I explained she said she had a room coming up.

It's back in town and it's with 4 other people: my friend, her 12 year old daughter, a woman who works in care and another guy. The rent is only £450 per month and includes bills and food! This is unusual, and as I don't eat very well and hate cooking just for myself, this could be perfect.

They all sit down to an evening meal together and have a natter over a glass of wine - if you don't want dinner then it goes in the fridge for when you get in.... nice. My room is smaller but I have a good feeling about the place and very much need some support and happiness around me at the moment. I never usually need much support but feel a bit 'broken' lately and have been quite low.

Work - Business is very good; I do have a £900 invoice that is just about to become overdue though which I'm quite worried about. It's a new client and I have explained that I am unwilling to complete any further work once an invoice is outstanding.... scary as I need the money to move and pay 2 weeks rent on the place I'm moving out of. I have 2 new clients and am really glad that my business is slowly gaining ground each month.

Dexter - It still feels strange that he's not around; I mainly feel just sad about it all now and can barely walk down my road each day without thinking about him dying alone in the dark and cold. I have to see the place where I found his little body each day, and the blood stain on the pavement won't go away. I've had cats for 15 years so it feels really strange - I keep thinking I can hear him, I go down the petfood aisle in the supermarket and I look for him each morning. My new house has 2 cats though which will be lovely.

The Present - I have a hugely manic week which has pulled me out of my slump; I am working tomorrow and Thursday, Have to take a case of books each night to the new house on the bus as I don't have a car or enough boxes (or time to get enough boxes) to carry them. I have a freelancers meeting tomorrow night which I enjoy so will go; I also have to pack.

Friday night is my closest friend's leaving party as she's being posted to Jordan for 10 months, I have to unpack, do a client's accounts, meet a couple of friends, and then Saturday night is 'White Night' where the town comes alive and brilliant and creative (mostly free) events happen all night long.

So my friends, I would like to say how unbelievably grateful I've been for your support and kind words over the last week; sadness is relative and I'm very lucky that I have some good friends. (some of whom I've never met) I do feel much better and I'm actually very happy to be moving for once! I currently live in a beautiful house but it has no heart, happiness or soul to it and I've only been unhappy here.

I've been to see 2 films over the weekend and 1 film just before 'the incident' which I didn't feel like writing about: Surrogates, Up, and The Imaginarium of Dr Pernassus. I will of course, be writing a full and comprehensive review of them all in the upcoming week; along with an update of the move and new house.

I thought this would be a quick update but I was evidently mistaken...

Lost in Transition

So as you know, I also moved house 2 days ago. I arrived back in Brighton around 5pm and decided to go straight to the hairdressers - I was not looking my best and knew I wouldn't have the chance to go for a while... I then went to the pub! 

The next morning I packed up my 2 rooms and moved to Hove (or Hove actually as it's called round here) The house I'm in is lovely, my new flatmate is also very nice (to me but never has a nice word to say about anyone else - including her clients), I'm now right by the sea and I also have a garden; there's no dogs running around all over the house and no poo in the yard - yet I can't quite say that I'm altogether happy.

Because there are other people living here (long story but there's 4 and then soon to be just 3) I feel a bit cramped; I know I'll have to move again as I would like to live on my own at some point. I'm really really tired of moving and know that the only chance I'll ever get to stay in one place for any length of time will be by living on my own. There's nothing wrong with it here, but I know I'll have to move on again at some point.

I also have hardly any phone reception (no change there then) I can't get the Internet in the living room and I also live a bit of a way from town so need to get my bike fixed or spend £50 per month on a bus pass. I'm already watching every penny so I can't really afford this. It's hardly the end of the World but I'm tired of everything being a hassle all the time; everywhere now is a bit of a trek.

Also, I have very little money; I've moved in here without a deposit so I know that I don't have a leg to stand on if it doesn't work out and I'm feeling quite vulnerable about it. I know things usually work out and things turn out ok in the end, but I feel pretty insecure about my future. I know it's probably unfounded but I don't feel I have any grounding - I don't feel in a safe position.

Dexter isn't really settling in very well either; it's only been 2 days so to be expected I guess - it's his first move and he's a bit freaked out by the strange noises going on. I have to go away to the last festival in 10 days and leave him with a stranger so I'm a bit worried. There's also loads of cats round here and I'm scared he'll get beaten up or run over. He's been spending a lot of time hiding under my duvet, so now I have a double-sided furry bedspread!

I guess I just want the quiet life; I long for a nice little 1-bed flat with some outside space for Dexter, a place that is safe and away from the bustle where we can just get on with it and settle down. People say that money doesn't buy you happiness, but I can tell you that money would solve pretty much every problem I've ever had. 

I feel a bit lost.

There's No Place Like Home (I Hear)

I'm having a bit of a stress about moving house at the moment. Due to various reasons (the nature of Brighton plus nightmare landlords, flatmates or neighbours) I've moved 13 times in 15 years - so you'd think I'd be used to it by now.

My flatmate owns her house and her boyfriend is moving in when his lease is up at the beginning of September so I have to relocate. I rang his letting agents yesterday as they have a lovely 2-bedroomed place on the seafront for £800 a month; which is an UNBELIEVABLE bargain in Brighton. 

I was told I needed to stump up £275 in agency fees (for doing what I don't know) I also needed a £1200 deposit and then the £800 rent. Because I'm freelance, they also need 6 months bank statements (although I only went freelance 3 weeks ago) a guarantor, and letters from every client saying how much work I do and how much they pay me. I think they'd also like the family jewellery, my first-born child, and the moon on a stick as well.

I told them to sod off and have decided not to use an agency. I'm not approaching my clients, cap in hand, asking for references. The fact that I am willing to sign a legal document stating that I am liable for the rent should be enough as far as I'm concerned. Brighton estate agents also have a terrible reputation for stealing your deposit for reasons they decide when you want to move out. 

I think the best thing for me to do is to look for a shared flat on Gumtree as most of the properties are fully-inclusive, I have a pretty good budget, and I'm a brilliant flatmate! I do have Dexter so he would need to be able to get outside in some way; but he's such a happy, affable little chappie, and many places already have pets so I'm hoping it's not going to be an issue - well I found all the other places with my previous cat Fraidy anyway.

I'm so sick of moving I can't tell you; I don't really feel like I've had a proper home as the longest I've stayed anywhere is 2 years. I can't afford to buy, places go so fast, Brighton is so expensive and you usually don't get your deposit back until after you move - so you need to find the money to cover it... sigh, such a stress each time... I just want to stay put.