Loser in Love

And three months later I'm single again. Who'd have thought it? 

Everyone who knows me I suspect.

I'm surprised you guys are still even here and bother to read this to be honest. I fuck off for three months in a swirl of hope and happiness then reappear all forlorn and sad expecting you to still be here. 

It did not work out. I feel sad even writing that because I did actually like him. I liked the way he made me feel, I liked that we had a connection... I liked so many things about him. But, like many men before him, he lost interest. It went from "it's you and me now doll" to being dumped by email cos he just wasn't feeling it. "He couldn't muster it" were his exact words in fact.

How shit is that. I'm the kind of person that gets dumped by email. I'm that woman.

There's a scared part of me that wonders if I'll always be single. I don't mind being by myself but I hope to not be forever. I'd prefer nothing to nothing special but I'm kinda ready to meet that something special if I'm honest. It's been long enough.

Each time someone hurts you, you have to pick yourself and be all cheery and happy for the next person. You can't take any kind of damage with you because it's not fair on the next person - but that really is hard. If you were kicked in the face time and time again then there would be some kind of physical damage. It'd be expected. But to keep brushing off hurt and disappointment time and time again is really really hard.

I know it's silly and I know what things everyone says to cheer you up because I've heard them time and time again. But there is a little part of me who doesn't want to admit it but truly wonders if anyone will ever be in love with me - and stay in love with me. 

I don't think I have unrealistic or massively high expectations either.... just the usual ones. I want what most people (men and women) want. I'm not looking for perfection.

So here I am again. I'm just fortunate that the rest of my life is pretty good because my love life is, and has always been a bit of a joke. 

Anyway, enough about loveless little me - how have you guys been? So sorry I've neglected you. x

Well Hello There - It's Been AGES!

Blimey, I haven't posted for ages. On one hand there's been nothing to tell you and on the other there's been loads. Now it's all build up so I'll  bring you up to speed by doing a round-up kinda post then I can get back on track and you might actually know what the fuck I'm talking about!

Love life - my love life is rubbish. There's no two ways about this one. I've started doing some Internet dating again... I'm sure a few of you may recall how THAT one turned out but if you weren't a reader, it was both funny and a shambles at the same time. These are my dates so far:

Two dates with Terry who was lovely despite the awful name but there was no chemistry. We are going to be friends though because he's interesting and local.

Two dates with Geoff who told me after our second date that he'd been on another second date with someone a few days before and they'd decided to start seeing each other. I was pretty annoyed that he didn't cancel his date with me thus wasting my Sunday and his. I may have had a lucky swerve though as he told me on the date that he felt no passion or drive for anything which made me wonder if that extended to people. Also he couldn't see a face in the grass I was trying to point out in a field (we were up on a hill) which possibly meant he had no imagination. Plus his name is truly dreadful.

One date with Shailen who, despite saying he had a great time and asking to see me the next week, never contacted me again. Pretty fucking rude.

Even though I'm good at being single and love most aspects of it, this doesn't mean that I want to be single forever and spend the next 40 years by myself. It's really hard to meet people though - especially someone who is interested in me in return it seems.

Social Life - excellent. I've joined a few Meet-up groups and can go out every night of the week if I like. I love the gaming group I go to and really like a guy there but he's 9 years younger than me. We get on really well and it's a shame about the age as I'd ask him out otherwise. I also have some amazing friends who have been brilliant recently as I've been feeling a bit down this week. One even came round with cake and took me out for coffee to cheer me up.

Emotional Status - rubbish. This week has been utter pants and I've been feeling quite sorry for myself. There's a few reasons for this:

1. I've hurt my back and can't get comfy
2. My business has been quiet (which never happens) which has made me start to worry a bit about money
3. My ex has a new girlfriend which he met because she lives in his road and just went and knocked on his fucking door. I'm annoyed about this one as, although I don't want him back, I feel that he was responsible for the breakdown of our relationship, my resulting unhappiness, and that he doesn't deserve the ease at which he's found someone new when I'm much more deserving and nobody wants me. It's hard to admit that I'm bitter and angry about it but that is the truth of the matter. I don't want him to be unhappy but I'm annoyed that he met someone so easily when I can't.
4. Feeling rejected emotionally. Even though I don't care what strangers think about me, I guess it's only natural to feel rejected and confused and all sorts of other horribly damaging emotions when someone rejects you (Geoff & Shailen). Even though they were clearly dicks, it's still quite hurtful and has knocked my self-esteem more than I expected.
5. I fell off my new way of eating when my best friend came to visit. Thisnot only made me physically sick (my body actually immediately rejected what I'd just eaten) and ropey, it made me feel weak for going off track so easily once I had company.

Work - mixed. My main line of work has been really quiet (but looks like it might be picking up from today) and I'm in the process of setting up a new online business which I'm pretty excited about. I'd shelved it for a year as I'd been too busy so, whilst it was quiet, I took the opportunity to finish writing the new website and get the logo designed etc. 

Health - I leant over to readjust the sofa cushions last Saturday and twinged my back. It often just sorts itself out in a day or two but hasn't this time - so I feel about 80. I've also started a new way of eating which seems to agree with me. I've been eating a paleo diet for a couple of months and have never felt healthier. It's stopped my sugar cravings and apparently I even look leaner which is a bonus. 

I've never craved pasta and bread (although I like them) but when I fell off the wagon and ate bread and cake recently, I felt like I'd been poisoned and felt shaky and just dreadful really. It's also made me start cooking, which is something I've never been a big fan of. 

Summary - actually overall things are fine but this week has definitely knocked me sideways and I've been surprised at how being rejected by a couple of men has made me feel. I'm not getting any younger and it would be nice to have someone to share things with and I would like to be in love again one day soon. I have my friends but I mean romantically of course. Being rejected makes you question your personality and your appearance - I know you shouldn't feel that way but you can't help it. Your brain just doesn't play ball sometimes!

I've still been reading your blog updates of course and I so hope you haven't all forgotten me just because I dropped off the radar for a bit. x

Winter is Coming

Well the weather in England has finally taken a turn and Summer is now well and truly over - and I reckon I'm the only person who doesn't actually mind. 

We had the most incredible Summer here and, whilst I do like it when it's warm, imagine how boring it would be if every day was cloudless and sunny. I like interesting weather personally - there should be seasons and when we follow them we get a sense of the passing of time which is how it should be. I know from past conversations that not everyone agrees with me here and most people would love to live in a country with hot weather every day; but not me.

I like seeing mist making halos around street lights, watching the rain fall out of dark distant clouds over a moody sea, the sound of rain pit-pattering on my umbrella and pounding on the window as I snuggle under soft winter duvets, the sploshing of cars driving through puddles as I sit at my laptop with the windows steamed up and a cat dozing on my lap, reading a book on the sofa with a hot water bottle wearing big fluffy socks with my fairy lights twinkling round the window and snow falling silently outside... Lovely.

It's important I think to really get into and experience each season. The coming seasons for me are hot chocolate, glasses of rich mulled wine or ruby port, soft jumpers and scarves, knee socks and boots, flickering candlelight, wood smoke, steamy windows, roast chestnuts and baked potatoes, fireworks and bonfires, crispy autumn leaves, fruit crumbles, box sets, and having time to reflect and plan.

Hell, I just love the whole damned COSINESS of it all!

Ugly Shoe of The Week - And Some Shoe Porn

Comfort can fuck right off when they come in this guise

Look at these horrid looking things. I actually came across them whilst looking for nice shoes on Pinterest (I popped on for a minute to look at something else and before I knew it an hour had passed - you know how that works). In fact when I saw these I recoiled back into my chair they were so repellent. 

You could proudly conquer the world in these

These are the types of shoes that would probably be very 'comfortable' but are like wolves in sheep's clothing. A woman has a duty, nay an obligation to wear attractive footwear - the world is a harsh enough place without us adding to everyone's misery. Weirdly I actually get shivers right through me when I see a particularly ugly shoe - and right to my core as well. Even seeing a surgical procedure on TV doesn't match the physical response I have to looking at ugly footwear. 

Just to show you what a nice shoe looks like, I've also posted a photo of a pair I actually like for a change. I've posted a ton of hideous ones (taking one for the team each time I clap eyes on them) so I'm posting a gorgeous pair to demonstrate the kind of shoes a decent and kind-hearted person can give to the world.

I bet the first pair have a brand name like 'Schlump', 'Biddy', or 'Dowager'(although I'd have called them Shitheels if they actually came with any) and the second pair are called 'Coquette', 'Gods-gift', or 'Man magnet'. I imagine that wearing the second pair - even to stand around in - would make you feel like the sexiest most invincible siren ever to have walked the earth. In fact they make my heart beat a little bit faster just looking at them.

Blogging Challenge Day 5: Profess My Lurve For a Blogging or Real-Life Chum

So the whole title is 'Publicly profess your love and devotion for one of your Blogger friends. What makes them great? Why do you love them? If you don't have Blogger friends, talk about a real-life friend or even a family member'.

This is quite a difficult one as although I've 'known' a few of my Blogger mates some time and I've even met the formidable and inspirational Wolynski when I went to Vegas. Superlative and Unknown Housewife are also rather marvellous but I don't know any of them well enough to be able to profess my devotion to them. Respect and admiration yes - love and devotion no.

I was going to write about my bestest buddyroo (she comments on here as NP) as she's like a sister to me and I adore her, would take a bullet to save her, and would give her my best kidney if she needed it - but she's not a Blogger as she has a life. Then I remembered La Tarzane (aka the person I write to on here as Star Trek Girl) although she's been really slack and hasn't posted for months, she's forgiven because she's incredibly busy doing terribly important work, plus she has a new fella which keeps her 'occupied'.

La Tarzane is a.mazing. She was introduced by a mutual friend who said of her before we met "you'll love her, she's just really, really nice" and suspicious sceptical me remembers narrowing my eyes behind her back and thinking "hmmm nobody is that nice". But she was - and more!

She's such a role model that If I couldn't be me then I'd want to be her. I've never met anyone who has so many talents; she speaks 6 or 7 languages, her CV would make you blush, she always has time for everyone despite anything going on in her own life, she's generous, modest, intelligent, attractive, easy-going, patient, thoughtful, and has impeccable judgement. If she says something is a certain way then it just is. You don't question the woman. You want to hate her but you can't because she's just so awesome - in the actual true meaning of the word. 

I'm a person who can find faults in literally anyone dead or alive, but it really is very hard to find fault with her. If I had to pick something then it's that she's far too reasonable and non-judgemental and it's hard to engage her in any kind of bitching. She fence-sits a bit but that's because she always sees both sides of the argument and understand the nuances of 'grey areas'. As a very black and white person, this is slightly maddening for me, but I was stretching to find something. She has to use these qualities in her job so it's very handy she possesses them. 

She's supportive, generous with her time, and I don't think there's isn't anything she can't do if she wanted to. When I shared a house with her I came in one day and she was in the kitchen making pasta... from scratch. Rolling it out and everything. At the time she was volunteering on the Paris Love Parade, teaching kids in the day, working in a call centre in the evening, doing overnight and weekend stints at a girls school, and learning to ride a motorbike so she could pass her test and earn extra cash before she went off to teach in Indonesia. And the woman was just making some pasta like she had nothing better to do. She's even DJ'd at Manumission for God's sake!

I've rarely ever seen her get annoyed or stressed either. A situation so extreme where you or I would be punching someone hard in the face, throwing furniture through windows, or rolling around on the ground screaming ourselves hoarse, would leave her merely inconvenienced yet pragmatic and ready to find the best in the situation and move on. She's like frigging Buddha.

So I profess my love and devotion to my Blogger and good friend La Tarzane cos she is one of the most marvellous people that I ever had the fortune to meet. I'm incredibly glad she's part of my life because she adds so much to it. It's not so much 'what would Jesus do, it's more like 'what would La Tarzane do'? because whatever she'd do would simply be the best thing. She's brilliant.

It Feels Like Christmas is Coming!

* Warning - geeky blog post 

2 loooooooong years ago the wonderful J.J Abrams blew us all away with a new and improved re-booted Star Trek franchise, and in a few equally long days I will get to see the much awaited second film: Star Trek Into Darkness and I CANNOT FREAKING WAIT!!! In fact, I can feel the excitement welling up inside me just typing this.

I feel fit to burst with excitement about the prospect of seeing the new film and have barely been able to contain myself during the lead up. I sqeeeeeeal out loud every time I see a trailer and eeeeeek inside when I see one of the posters in the street. I know it's geeky but I fucking LOVE Star Trek. I'm a proud Trekker and I don't care who knows it.

I must have seen the (now old) Star Trek film at least 20 times and saw it 3 times at the cinema alone. It is brilliant. The actors were so perfectly chosen for their roles and even the copious lens flare doesn't (inertial) dampen my adoration of the new franchise. Tonight the friend I went to visit in France arrives on a business trip, and next week Star Trek Girl aka La Tarzane (the clue's in the name there) will also be in the UK for a couple of days so the timing was perfect for us to see the new release.

Both of them are also shameless Trekkers and therefore the perfect people to watch the film with. Next Sunday we will use the tickets that I purchased within minutes of them going on sale weeks ago and sit back and watch a 3D masterpiece - for it will be so as the trailers are magnificent and initial reviews are also promising - plus we just fucking love Star Trek so I foresee no complaints (I hear it's a non-stop action-packed onslaught which sounds simply brilliant) and I totally fancy Benedict Cumberbatch as well so a free added bonus for me.

Funnily enough although I adore Star Trek I'm not that fussed about the original series or even the films before the reboot. I do watch The Next Generation, Deep Space 9, and I love Voyager as well. Most people prefer DS9 out of them all but I'm a Voyager gal personally.

J.J Abrams has also signed up to take on the next Star Wars film and he's such a brilliant film maker that I reckon he'll do a great job on that too. Although to be honest they couldn't actually get any worse. 

If I'm this excited now, can you imagine how I'm going to be next weekend?!

I Can Has Kittens

Meet Lola and Treacle, my new kitties. Lola is the black and white one and she has a grade 6 heart murmur which is why she is an indoor cat. She could have months or years to live so could live until she's 20 or she could have a very short life - they just don't know. You can feel her little heart buzzing through her chest when you hold her but otherwise she is completely healthy.

They're both around six months old, arrived from the cat shelter on Monday, and have now now completely made themselves at home. Obviously they're spoiled rotten and have copious amounts of toys and accessories including a 5 foot climbing tower, a pop-up orange cube with holes to bound through, numerous balls and catnip mice, and a soft and cosy radiator bed which they both squeeze on to. They are brilliant.

Incredibly they both sleep all night and crash out when I do. I occasionally hear them moving about but they don't run around after each other until I get up. So I get to sleep through the night which is really rare for a kitten owner. They aren't related but indoor cats should be in pairs apparently and these 2 were the right age to come together. Treacle could possibly go out one day but Lola has to stay in.

Although they've only been here a few days I absolutely adore them. Treacle is a little more adventurous and is obsessed with the laser pen (the lazy girls entertainment facilitator) and Lola is happy to stay one step behind. Treacle licks her head sometimes and they play together really well. 

I really hope that Lola lives a long time but my thoughts are that if she's not going to then it's better that she lives a happy life here with me and Treacle in a warm and cosy flat being stroked and loved. She is such a darling that she deserves nothing less.

Unsaid Certainties

Thank you for all the lovely comments about my situation - I thought that with such an absence you'd have all forgotten about me. It's so nice to have this secret support network over here. And it's really, really appreciated.

This morning my boyfriend had a bit of a go about me filling the kettle up, I explained that I was going to use it for a hot water bottle and then a cup of coffee and "was that alright?". 

I know it was only a small thing but I'm tired of someone questioning my decisions and telling me that I'm wrong if I have a differing viewpoint. I'm bored of explaining, justifying, and defending my opinions, I don't want to be told how I shouldn't think or feel a certain way and should think or feel something else instead - because I just don't. And I know I've passed the point where anything can be done to salvage the situation because I've tried everything and I'm exhausted.

This is such a shame as I'd always been sceptical about love and thought I had been wrong when I believed I'd finally found it, and now it seems I was perhaps right in the first place. Maybe moving in with someone is the kiss of death, maybe I'm not the relationship type, or maybe he simply wasn't the right person. Or Maybe all three? We've left it that I'll move out and we'll then see how our relationship goes, but I think we both know what will really happen. 

Well I know I do.

My Dream Car

I don't have a car and can't afford one anyway. But if I did get one it would be this little darling. Behold the gorgeous Nissan Figaro. There are quite a few of them in Brighton and it was love at first sight for me. This is even the colour I want.

And The Housing Solution!

So as I mentioned in the previous post, I emailed the American client cheekily asking if I could find him another flat for when his lease is up on the 20th November... and he said yes!  In fact that's all he said. I opened with "would you be open to the possibility of..." and he sent that one word answer. He's not a very chatty man...

I don't think he really cares to be honest. As long as the flat is nice, not too expensive, and quite central then he's not too bothered. The routine is that I find him a place and pay the deposit from his account (I'm a signatory) the agents then email him the contract and ask for references. He scans the forms and emails them back along with a wire for 6 months rent up front (nice) I then get the keys. And this time I move in!!! Blimey.

I haven't told my boyfriend yet but I could barely sleep for thinking about it. I've basically been told I can just go and find a nice one bedroomed flat for myself and my cat then pay half the rent. When does that happen?! I think this was the thing that kept me from leaving to be honest, that and the fact that I do actually care about my boyfriend - I'm just not sure if I'm in love with him. Not how I want to be in love anyway.

I will let you know how it all pans out and at the same time will try not to bore you with my love life. I feel bad talking about him so meanly as well because he's a good bloke but I don't think he's the bloke for me any more sadly. I just have to extricate myself from this situation with as much damage limitation as possible - for both me and him. 

We're also going on holiday together to Sorento for my birthday at the beginning of November for 5 days. I will have to tell him before then obviously and the only 2 options are that we still go together, or I buy him out and go with someone else or on my own. The holiday was very cheap so I could afford to do this. 

It's all quite exciting, scary, a bit sickening, and very sad. But sometimes these things don't work out and you just have to move on. This is such a shame as my boyfriend is a really decent person who's heart is in the right place, but we don't really make each other happy any more. He's said that in the past he'd stayed in relationships even when they weren't working, but I'm not like that and I need to move on as quickly as possible. Life is too short to do anything you're not really into. I won't even carry on reading a book if it doesn't prove its worth after the first couple of chapters!

So moving time again. As always I will let you know how it all pans out. 

* I just told the boyfriend and he is ok with it. I said if I stay here then our relationship is doomed and I will need a new place to live anyway. If I move out then maybe we can salvage it. He agreed. Phew!

Look How Gorgeous Brighton Is

Just arrived

The higher-maintenance-than-he-let-on boyfriend and I went down to the beach the other evening to watch the sun set. Even though we only live 10 minutes from the sea, like many Brightonians,  we hardly ever go down there for some reason. Well laziness is the reason actually. 

First fire lantern

I also say beach loosely in this post because I once had an Australian boyfriend from Sydney who refused to call it a beach saying it was rubbish in comparison to 'real' beaches. Although I think he was just a snob with a pebble aversion because I've heard that Bondi beach is shit.

Anyway I digress. We took ourself down to the stretch of coloured pebbles that is Brighton beach with a blanket and a bottle of French red wine to watch the sun go down and to feel like we were making use of the free facilities that we pay an extortionate rate of Council Tax for.

It was lovely. As you can see the sunset was amazing (none of these photos are touched up (ooo-er) in any way) and they were all taken with my new Samsung Galaxy III. Some of them are a bit grainy as I was zooming in, but this is actually how the sky looked as the sun went down.

Next one

Some foreign students were letting off fire lanterns near us; they looked lovely, and more importantly none of them came crashing down on to local residents or flew into any of the many flight paths pointing the way to the continent.

Up and away

Nice huh? 

Compromise - The C Word?

Well I've finally worked out a way to actually access my blog today; God knows what Blogger have been up to this last week but it seems I'm not the only one who's been having problems. The only way I can access it now is to log in via Google search rather than logging in directly from Blogger.com - pretty rubbish but hopefully they'll get their act together soon. 

BBF is away for the weekend helping out a friend at some barbecue competition; I'm not sure what it is about men, fire and raw meat but they gravitate to it like bees to honey! It's only the second time I've had the flat to myself since I moved in 6 months ago and I'm really enjoying it. I used to need so much more time to myself but that seems to have changed once I met BBF.

I've discovered that lots of things change when you start a serious relationship then move in together - although they're linked, they're also 2 separate issues and I've found adapting to both much harder than I thought. When you have 2 people who are used to doing exactly what they want when they want, compromises can be quite difficult... when you're single you don't have much compromising to do at all!

It's the small mundane normal things that I've found most difficult to adapt to; when I moved in loads of things changed for me from how and where I work, what I watch and when, how my home is decorated, what I eat and when, and how I spend some of my spare time. It's not that I mind changes, it's just that they're much harder to take on when they all come at once and they bring out parts of your personality that you're not overly proud of.

I turned a corner recently when I realised that I had to change my mindset; I wasn't single any more, so I would have to take someone else into consideration or else what was the point in having a relationship? I'd always bailed out when I had to compromise or things became a bit of a hassle, but now I'd met someone I wanted to stay with, I had to fully commit to this new life rather than compare it to how it was when I was single... this is always easier said than done however!

Overall, things with BBF and I are brilliant; he's amazing in so many ways and I know I'm really lucky to have found him. I can be quite contrary and I'm very picky (about countless things) so to have found him at nearly 40 when I had almost come to believe that I had too many expectations is really quite something. 

That's not to say that I always like having to watch The Apprentice on iPlayer or America's Next Top Model on YouTube when he's out, arguing over whether to have the radio on or off when we're working or living with reams of electrical cables!

None of this is unusual in any way; people move in with each other all the time - they work out how the other works, adapt around them, work out compromises and generally build their lives around each other. I just didn't realise how much work was involved; especially if your temperament isn't designed that way! 

Maybe it's being a selfish Generation Xer or one of Thatchers Children, or maybe it's all the additives in the Nesquik and Ice Magic I consumed as a child, but working hard to achieve something or persevering through difficulties doesn't always seem to come easy to my generation. Saying that, I don't think we're not doing too badly at working out how to happily live together when one of us is the life and soul of the party and the one likes nothing better than staying in watching history programmes with the cat. And after the initial push-me-pull-you compromise wrangles, I think it's making me a better person with it.

Home at Last?

I think it's now officially winter so it must be time to move house again. As mentioned in previous posts, I have moved 17 times in 16 years, and on Saturday I'll be making that move number 18... because I am moving in with BBF.

I'd often worried about living with boyfriends as I've always needed so much space to myself that I've never been sure how it would work. Strangely, BBF is the one and only person I've ever met who I can spend 24 hours around and not want to kill - I even need a few hours space from my best friend and she is brilliant company! 

Lots of things about myself have changed since I met him and all in a good way. I love being around him and find it really hard to sleep on the rare occasion that I go back to my own house (I pretty much just go home to pay rent then come back again) I can stand being in his company constantly, I find it hard to stay in a mood when he's around, and I let him be really annoying around me without punching his face in - which is unheard of!

For years, I've  heard people say "when you know, you know" but I've always thought "well HOW do you know?" and now I get it.  When I told my (extremely sensible) dad a few weeks ago that I was going to move in, I expected him to advise caution but instead he said he'd never heard me talk about anyone like this and that I seemed certain about him since the day we met so I should go for it.  I'd never have considered moving in with someone this soon, but it doesn't feel strange at all - strangely!

My apologies if you've all just thrown up in your own mouths, but I couldn't just move house without mentioning it and, to be fair, it is all rather sickening if you're not us. I feel really lucky to tell you the truth; this time last year I was having the shittiest time I could remember, and now I'm happier than I've ever been. I'm also very glad that I'm an expert house mover!

STG Post - Zombies, Bureaucracy And Restraint

Hey Star Trek Girl; I know it's been a while since you returned to Jordan so my apologies for not writing you sooner - anyway, here is a round-up of news from Blighty.

I'm hopefully going to manage to fit in some cool stuff before I fly out on my broomstick to see you at Halloween; there's the Zombie Walk on Saturday afternoon and then White Night in the evening. I've yet to have a proper look at the programme but there's loads of cool things on. Then the next day I leave on a jet plane to see you and also-visiting Klingon Man... yaaaaaay!

Autumn is well and truly here and I've been partaking in some hearty leaf-kicking; it's actually gotten quite parky and I've already cracked out my gloves and hot water bottle. I can't find my regular-sized one so am making do with Dexter's old diddy cow-shaped one! I also saw flyer girl today and she said to say hi; she gave me 2 early birthday presents which you'll be amazed to hear I haven't opened yet - which is very unlike me. 

All is well with me and BBF except that being in love is pretty scary, (read terrifying) I've always suspected as much but feeling somewhat vulnerable is not a very nice feeling and one I'd deliberately avoided until now. Still you have to throw yourself into these things and hope it all turns out well I guess. It's brilliant so far - I just want it to stay like this for ever!  

Business-wise everything is relatively peachy too. I believe I've picked up a new client (I never count them as such until they've been invoiced and paid) as well as the venue-finding one I landed last week. I'm still having issues with that one particular client not paying me on time and he'll be out on his ear as soon as I can afford to let him go - he's more hassle than he's worth frankly. He said that me wanting to be paid on time was "bureaucratic" ... cheeky fuck.

I guess that's about it my Trekker friend; I'll try to get another post in before I fly out but otherwise I hope all is well with you in Sunny Amman and I'll see you soon. x

Sand, Sea And St Ives

Well although I got back from Cornwall on Sunday, 2 busy days later it feels like it was a week ago! The visit was perfect and it was great to see my friend again; we hardly ever see each other but she's very easy company and we get on very well. The 12 hour coach journeys also went much quicker than I thought, but I'm guessing the Valium helped!

Although I was only there for a total of 3 days and I checked my emails while I was away, I did feel like I got a proper break. We had breakfast on the Harbour front, drank wine every evening and spend all day on the beach (may I say now that I'm glad Brighton beach is stony cos that sand gets EVERYWHERE!) amazing how easy it is to spend 3 days doing sod-all in the sun.

Cornish Girl did keep muttering about OCD because I was obsessed about not getting sand stuck to myself; which is a futile task on a beach covered in it! It kept sticking to my suntan lotion and I was constantly trying to brush it off. I am now exfoliated within an inch of my life and have a pebble-dash tan. I also fell in love with their dog Buzz - when I left me and Buzzy Boy were LIKE THAT (crosses fingers)

The St Ives seagulls are totally psychotic though; Brighton gulls are noisier but those West Coast bad boys outviolenced our Sussex lads wings down. They literally dive-bomb your snack treats nearly taking your eye out; it was like being under siege in the Battle of Britain. One small boy was running after them on the beach waving his dirty grundies shouting "eat my pants! go on, eat my pants!" which was inventive...

Some Americans took over the beach near us and managed to quickly clear the area; they were about as welcome as an STD. They were drinking warm Fosters (a child's beer) had a radio playing cheesy music and they spread themselves over a large area to play a game of bat and ball. They marked out a court and loudly debated the rules and 'the zones'. I have never seen anyone take the fun out of a game so rapidly or at such volume. They were the only people on the beach engaging in competitive sporting activity and we left before they were Cornish pastied to death by the locals.

Typically, Tory man couldn't wait until I returned and got together with someone else - this was a bit of a shame as I would have liked the chance to have gotten to know him better then rejected him. I doubt it would've worked out as he had far more money than I do (I hate a huge imbalance, it makes you feel poor or indebted) lived outside of Brighton, was 11 years older than me... and he voted Conservative! He also would never have been allowed across the threshold of some of my friends homes which could've been inconvenient.

So my record of never getting past the 2nd date still stands - I wonder if I'm just unlikeable or unfanciable? Who can say; I read about (or know) some people who haven't had a boyfriend or sex for years and I can't imagine such a thing. I do sometimes think what I'm looking for is so rare that most people are lucky to ever find it. I have another 2 dates lined up for later this week though so no hanging around for me! One has to get ones money's worth I feel.

It was a great holiday and the weather was amazing, but it's also lovely to be back home as well. I picked up 2 new clients last week and another one today so I've got lots of work on. I also really miss Brighton when I go away - I actually think I love this town more than I've loved any man.

My Busy, Selfish, Happy Life

A familiar trend of being too busy to post as often as I used to is clearly starting to emerge here. My business is doing really well at the moment so I'm often just knackered when it comes to writing other things. Plus I write 5 blogs, have 3 Twitter accounts, a LinkedIn profile, I'm on Facebook (although I think it's arse and have nearly deleted my account on numerous occasions) I have 4 email accounts, and I run a networking group!

Although I'll be working most of today and tonight I never work for clients on Sundays and instead use the day to progress my business and do personal things. I just ordered some 'crafty' things from Amazon for my quilt-making project and I'll hopefully get around to watching the 2 series of Mad Men that I recently bought.

Things are going pretty well though - all I need now is a lottery win so I can finally have a home and another pet! I'm struggling without a pet to be honest; when you've had one for 15 years and suddenly there's nothing, it all feels a bit empty - having an animal is quite important to me; I'm not married with kids (kids decidedly by choice) and I think people need something to fill that 'something that loves me and I love it back' gap. With people, that relationship can be up and down but it's never that way with a pet - it's always up and never down!

I'll be honest in that it'd be nice to have a partner, but I like my life and that person would have to add to it rather than detract; I know you have to work at relationships but you also need something to work with! Most of the men I know seem to be pretty useless and have character traits that would make me want to kill them if we were in a relationship. I have a feeling that I'll meet the right person at some point, but if I don't then it's not the end of the World. In fact, if I had a dog or a cat I wouldn't care at all...!

PS: you are all aware that when I finally do get another pet that I'm going to go a bit mental and there will be a short period of fawning and photos? If you could all just play along then that would be great.

Who Cares What They're Saying!

I know I've mentioned that I love opera before, but I don't just love it, it moves me in such a way that I cannot even begin to describe... I don't believe in God but this is the closest thing I can imagine.

JJ Abrams May You Live Long And Prosper!

So, I went to see the new Star Trek film last night and it was un-fucking-believable; I can now die happy in the knowledge that I have seen the most exciting action film ever made! It was so good I still can't believe it.



It was so fantastic I'm not sure where to start - I love Star Trek anyway so I knew I'd love it, preview audiences and reviewers were giving it the thumbs up and I couldn't wait. I just really hoped I wouldn't be disappointed... I was not!

From the minute it started it was full-on action; there were explosions, implosions, fight scenes, evasive manoeuvres, monster chases and planet-wide destruction. The baddies were suitably evil and appropriately sexily attired, there were in-jokes, comedy moments and the whole thing just looked fantastic. JJ Abrams has almost rebranded the original and, if you're not a Star Trek fan or know nothing about the series then this film really is for you.

I loved that all the new cast really resembled the original characters they were portraying; Bones was familiarly moody, Chekov couldn't pronounce his W's ("Wulcan is under attack") Kirk was staggeringly gung-ho, and Spock was very... logical. (Zachary Quinto is outrageously sexy) thankfully there wasn't a duff actor amongst them.

I can't recommend this film highly enough; it is simply the best film I've seen in a long time (and I've seen a LOT of good films this year!) the pace is exhilarating; there's edge-of-your-seat excitement, action aplenty and the whole thing looks absolutely incredible. My advice to you would be to just drop whatever it is you're doing and go & see it NOW!

The Future is Bright, The Future is Pink

Sometimes you didn't know you really wanted something until you get asked a question, then quick as a flash the answer comes out and surprises you. 

I was once asked to write a wish-list and top of the list was a house in Sorento. I was also was asked recently where my heart lies, and I knew immediately where I'd left it.

I've been to Sorento twice and
 it truly is a special place. It's twee (almost the town that taste forgot - holographic images of Christ on the cross, and fur/leopardskin effect bag combos with feathers!) it's historic, and it has the bluest sea that I have even seen. Across the bay is Vesuvius, a short boat ride will take you to Capri and you can take a direct train to Pompeii for just a few euros.

Near the old monastery that I stay in, (Porto Salvo - 2ft thick whitewashed walls, red tiled floors, wooden shutters and orange trees in the grounds) there is a gorgeous pink house on the edge of the cliff that I wish I lived in - Isn't it beautiful? It's the sort of house in which you could sweep around in a silk negligee, fluffy mules and a dusky tan. I know that if I could have anything, I would have this house.

Twice Lucky

I know it's irritatingly sickening when people go on about their animals but I just have to say how pleased I am with my new kitten Dexter. I've had him nearly 6 months now and he really is such a happy little chappie that I look forward to getting home to see him every day.

I loved my old cat Fraidy more than I can describe; you could not take a bad picture of Fraidy; she was so gorgeous to look at, but her temperament towards others was often less than welcoming! She was very much my cat and we had a unique relationship but she did not really like to interact with strangers; whereas Dexter - not always the most photogenic of cats (he often has one eye half open or looks like a monkey) is happy to hang out with anyone and is very personable and friendly... He's truly a cat for all seasons.

I had Fraidy 14 years and I feel so unexpectedly excited about starting a new chapter with Dexter; this now is the beginning of our life together and every day a new facet of his personality surfaces and our relationship with each other develops further. True, he often gets me up 6 times in the night, but our little moments together are so special that I can honestly say I love him more already than I could ever have hoped.