Leaving The House Once in a While

When it looked like I was going to be getting a dog one of my friends (ironically called Kat) asked if I wanted to go to a dog walking get-together that she'd seen on a website called Meetup. Obviously the dog thing didn't work out but I did discover there were a ton of other groups on the site that I was interested in.

Now I really love my own company but I like that I have the choice whether to stay in or not. I do like an evening in but know that if I don't keep an eye on it then I could end up as a recluse! Plus I think one of the reasons that it didn't work out with my ex is that we didn't have the same outlook on life (he's a depressive who only socialises to drink) and we didn't always like to do the same things in our spare time. 

I would often spend most of the weekend by myself or with a friend wandering flea markets and people-watching in cafe's when I should have been doing these things with him. Maybe if I'm to ever get another boyfriend (I'm not actively looking by the way) then it might help if we have similar interests!

On meetup you put in your interests and where you live and it finds groups within a specified radius from where you are and you can even create your own group if you fancy it. I've joined 3 groups so far: The Movie Club where they go and see a film then talk about it over a drink afterwards, The Independent Coffee Shop Group where you just meet up for a coffee strangely enough, and The Non-Fiction Book Club.  

I went to the Book Club one last month which was great. There were 14 of us in the back room of a pub (I sat too near the open fire and nearly died of heat stroke over my mulled cider - lesson learned) and we discussed Proust Was a Neuroscientist. There were actual scientists in the group so the conversation was really interesting. I didn't stay until the end as I decided to go and see The Impossible (Tsunami film) at the flicks, but I will stay next time. 

Yesterday I went to one of the Coffee Group get-togethers and met with 3 other women in a cafe near my house (this is why I went). One of them was kinda cool but I didn't know what expression to pull when one lady started to tell me about some lala Meetup group she goes to which seems to be based on 'The Secret' where you kinda wish things to happen and lo they become so. The organiser channels some celestial being apparently. I very nearly laughed in her face and suggested we inform the starving people of Africa what they've been doing wrong. She could see I wasn't receptive and the subject was changed quite quickly.

I haven't been to the Movie one yet but may already have made myself unpopular. 18 women have decided that it wouldn't be at all a sad and pathetic thing to go and see Breakfast at Tiffanys on Valentines Day. I didn't say this (but it is) however I did mention on the thread that I wasn't interested in going as I thought it was terribly over-rated and a film about 2 needy, unlikeable prostitutes  - one of whom wears a nice dress at some point - wasn't really my bag. Nobody commented back but it should be interesting when I finally do get to meet them all.

So I'm liking Meetup so far. I've met some interesting people (and a bonkers deluded one) and I'm really looking forward to the next non-fiction group meeting. I'm not sure if the website is UK only but it's a great way to meet people, especially if you're new to a town. They have all kinds of groups including religious, sporty, drinking and dining, reading, scrabble, and just general socialising ones. It's getting me out of the house a bit anyway which can only be a good thing.

Why Are Women so Hard on Each Other?

I've always wondered why it is that women were so hard on other women. I used to think that it was men that criticised and attacked us but I've come to realise that it's mainly us; we do it to each other.

Maybe it's hard-wired into us because even I do it. I watch the news and immediately assess the female newsreader's appearance and demeanour. "blimey, how much lipstick is she wearing?","what a stupid thing she just said, look at her giggling like an idiot". Why do I do that?

A lot of discussion about women's decisions has come to the forefront lately with the cinema release of 'I Don't Know How She Does it'. It seems the premise of the film is appearances - what will (other mums) people say if I'm too busy to bake mince pies for my kids school? Who gives a shit? ...well other mums apparently that's who.

Working mums seem to be critical of stay-at-home mums, they in turn seems to think working mums are bad parents who aren't fit to call themselves mothers. Nobody appears to have any opinion of working dads and they aren't criticised for 'trying to have it all'. Personally I don't think working mums are trying to have it all, I think they just either need to go to work because their family needs the money, or they like working and want something else to do. 

And who could blame them? I'm sure being a stay at home mum is still hard work but frankly spending all day wiping kids snotty noses, singing nursery rhymes, baking cakes and arranging flowers is my idea of a frontal lobotomy. I'm not criticising women who get fulfilment doing that but it's not for me. Well parenthood in general isn't for me as we all know - it looks horrible.

I seriously doubt that any woman would make decisions she thought were detrimental to her family. Mums only want what's best for their children, but decisions are based on each persons personal situation and no size fits all. So why are women's choices hotly debated and judged by other women? I even get flack for not having any children; I'm selfish apparently because what sort of woman doesn't want to have kids? This kind is what and I'm not justifying myself to anyone.

Why is it that men's roles as parents aren't up for debate? Why is it that women get flack for working (or not) and having kids as well? Men have been working and having families for years without any kind of judgement. 

So are women supposed to be the more hands-on parents because of their sex? Are they supposed to do the lions share of the family work so fitting in paid work is frowned upon? Why is having or not having kids and working or not working an issue with women and not with men?

I asked my best friend what she thought and she offered a few suggestions. One was that perhaps men were also critical of other men but just didn't vocalise it, make films about it or write newspaper articles about it. Another (quite plausible) theory was that perhaps women were just bitches, and the one we both thought was most plausible was that women were trying to justify their place in society and the choices they've made by comparing themselves to other women.

But do we know we're doing it? Women were (and still are in many places) second-class citizens so the last thing we need is to turn on each other. Maybe we have higher standards for our sex because of our history? Perhaps we expect more of each other?  Or maybe it's that we're just bitches?

What dya reckon?

Crocheting - Nicer Than Kids

Yup getting shit loads of crocheting done! I have also been to see 3 films - 4 Lions, Robin Hood and Sex and The City. One was brilliant, one was pretty good and the other was abysmal. I will be writing thorough reviews tomorrow for you all.

I've been perfecting a crochet cupcake frosting technique (I can't believe I just wrote that) as a very popular cupcake shop in town has said they'll sell my stuff so I want to make some to reflect their own cakes; plus I'm working on some squares to make a throw which may be for myself or given as a present - I'm not sure yet. Each square takes ages but I do them whilst watching TV in the evening. To be honest, I'm just effing love crocheting now!

The dating thing is going kind of ok; the charity fella is abroad until the middle of the week but I had a drink with someone else in the meantime. I figured that unless you've snogged someone then no commitment gesture has been made thus I am still very much single.

I met up with Paul on Friday and could tell he was disinterested before I'd even sat down; I wasn't fussed though as I'd already emailed him to say I wasn't sure if there was any point in us meeting as he is only 5'8" and has 2 kids. (Well, I mentioned the kid bit) what's the point in getting involved with someone who has kids when you've actively chosen not to have any and don't even really like them? None that's what. He'd said there was no harm in meeting though, so against my better judgement I'd agreed.

He had contacted me on the site although I had specified in the tick boxes both a height limit (5'9") and that he either had to not have any kids or have some that were not living with him. I didn't mind giving a bit of leeway on the height as, although I like to wear heels, nobody is perfect, but the kid thing is a big sticking point. Being someone's Mum is bad enough, being someone's stepmum is worse and being Dad's girlfriend makes you at the bottom of the pecking order entirely. This is not a life I have chosen for myself and thought I was being too generous with the kid criteria anyway.

And that is about as far as the dating thing is going really; the vegan and I never bothered to contact each other again despite having got on ok, but I could see issue with both him going to live in Mexico for a year from August and the fact he was a vegan. The best thing about it was that he never wanted a piece of my cake but I imagine it would be hard to live with someone who you couldn't eat with!

I will obviously keep you posted on how all that turns out.

Geek Anticipates

The new Star Trek film opens on Friday and I can barely contain myself. I've always loved the series, although strangely I've never been a massive fan of the original. I can't even explain why I love it so much as I'm not even really a sci-fi fan - it just makes me happy and I can watch it all day. I even feel excited just looking at the above picture!

This new film has been a long time coming and I have been beside myself since I first saw a snippet of trailer on the website; even then not much was going on and they were just welding the outside of a ship. It's more the anticipation I think - and now it's like Christmas is 2 days away! When I saw the first 'proper' trailer I nearly wet myself.

On Friday my friend and I are going to the flicks after I finish work at 4.30 and basically we're just hanging out down at the Marina until we get in. We both have unlimited cinema cards which is usually great but it means we can't pre-book. We don't even care if we have to get the tickets for the midnight showing and come back such is our determination (plus she's going to France the next day)

Squuuuueeeeaal!!!

The Past is Another Country - They Do Things Sexier There

Time Off For Good Behaviour

I'm all happy this month as I'm doing very little work - because of lieu days and annual leave, I'm working 3-day weeks for the whole of February... hoorah!

I intend to spend a lot of that time focusing on promoting and marketing my freelance PA venture as I've seriously slacked off lately and am quite disappointed in myself. I really want to work for myself this year and nothing happens just by itself, so I have to make it happen.

I've discovered that trying to put together material for a website is MUCH harder than I thought it'd be and getting the time to do both marketing and freelance work around my full-time job, whilst also trying to have a social life and blog my thoughts here is proving to be trickier than I expected as well.

Of course, during my time off I also intend to catch-up with friends, chill out, and see some more movies with my unlimited cinema pass; so far I've seen Bolt in 3D, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, The Reader, Seven Pounds, My Bloody Valentine, Underworld, and Slumdog Millionaire - just lovin' that pass! So I'm really going to try to savour and make the most of this time off as I'm sure it'll be over in the blink of an eye!

You Know How to Whistle Don't You Steve?

I intended to have a really long lie-in this morning but Dexter put a stop to that with his tail-chasing, nose-licking, so I decided to get up. After an alternative breakfast of cold rhubarb crumble I settled myself on the sofa to get on with some 'business' work; which obviously turned into some time-wasting Internet browsing!

However I have now become completely engrossed with watching Lauren Bacall and Humphrey Bogart's incredible chemistry in 'To Have and Have Not' and am totally mesmerised. Along with a young Elizabeth Taylor I think she is one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. She was only 19 when she filmed it yet she has such a natural, confident sexiness that she seems much older. I once read she got her distinctive husky voice by screaming into the wind!

I also love her outfits too: fitted jackets and pencil skirts, set-wavy hair and the highest heels imaginable - it's like that toned-down Dita Von Teese look which I also think looks stunning. How is it that women in earlier eras always managed to take more care of their appearance? If tracksuits were around would they have worn them? I can not imagine Joan Crawford or Elizabeth Taylor lounging around in Juicy Couture!

Ms Bacall you're amazing; Bogie.. you can just go whistle!

Popcorn And Dreams

Like many people, I've had to tighten my belt a bit recently. Sadly the recession (for it is now officially so) seems to have put everyone in the same boat and now most people are now as skint as I am. Last year I went onto a voluntary debt management plan with the CCCS who are a charity that decide how much you can live on, contact your debts to have them frozen, then you pay them monthly and they allocate the payment out. This means I will be debt free in a couple of years which is more than a lot of my friends can say.

I wasn't in a lot of debt, and it wasn't that I owned all the latest gadgets, went on numerous holidays and soled my shoes with diamonds. It was simply an accumulation of being young, living in an expensive city and constantly changing my job and housing for various reasons. Anyway, they've set me a budget and  I live on it and it was the most financially sound move I ever made. But, although it's helping me pay off my debts, I don't have much money for going out or buying things that make me happy (weaknesses being magazines, DVDs and shoes!)

I've found a couple of ways around the situation however; I asked for magazine subscriptions for Christmas and I just bought a Cineworld unlimited film pass so I can see as many films as I like each month. Shoes are a worry though - I may have to become a cobbler!

So now for £11.99 per month I can watch films to my hearts content. (I just love films) today I'm going to see 'Slumdog Millionaire' and I'm imagining I won't even get a hint of a tan this summer as I'll be in a darkened auditorium, sticking to the floor and ignoring the recession.

Hello Dolly!

Dolly Parton - I decided today that I would write about someone that I liked. My 'like list' is longer than my 'wanna punch ya face in' list so I guess I'm not a complete harpie who hates everyone!

I think Dolly is just amazing; she's a 'girls girl' who just seems like a really nice person. Even though she looks like a drag queen, she comes across as the type of person that you would like to hang out with, that wouldn't bitch about you behind your back, and who would cheer you up with really good advice.

Although contentious, I firmly believe that the song she wrote 'I will always love you' from the film The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, sounds so much better when sung by her than by Whitney Houston. Admittedly Whitney blasts it out and has an amazingly powerful voice, but when Dolly sings it you just want to cry it's that beautiful.

Ironically Dolly seems really genuine despite being physically fake in every way (as she says "it costs a lot of money to look this cheap") She gives away loads of money- her literacy charity 'Imagination Library' which sends one book each month to children from the time they are born until they enter kindergarten has just come to Britain and, although her face looks like you wouldn't want to get it too close to an open flame, she seems warm friendly and utterly likable.

Dolly, you fucking rock.