Blogging Challenge Day 27: A Letter To Your Readers

Well by the lack of comments on here I'm not sure that I actually even have any readers but here goes:

Dear readers, 

Thank you for taking the time out of your busy days to read my ramblings. They are the rants , fears, concerns, dreams, and hopes of someone just like you because, after all, aren't we all pretty much concerned about the same things? 

Don't we all worry about money and relationships, hope that our future is bright and that every year will be better than the last? Don't we all fear bad things happening to the people we love and care about? Don't we all want to succeed and achieve our potential - not to have lived and died without having a blast - and don't we all want a better world for ourselves and future generations to live in? 

I think we do. So when you read my posts I hope that you recognise some of my emotions and know that it's not just you and that we all feel the same. Because that's what I feel when I read yours. x

Blogging Challenge Day 19: Five Of Your Favourite Blogs And What You Love About Them

I'm short on time this evening and it's already gone 8pm and I've been at my computer all day - so this is gunna be a quick one!

I read quite a lot of blogs actually. Some are on Blogger, most are businessy/lifestyle ones and others are craft ones. The first 2 are ones that I always read no matter what and the others are ones that I simply enjoy.

Location 180 - this is an amazing blog/website of a guy who chucked it all in to travel the world whilst working. He tells you how to become location independent and live a happy life from anywhere in the world. His site is truly inspirational.

Attic 24 - this is a craft blog written by a stay at home Mum in Yorkshire. I'm not into a lot of the stuff she writes about as my life is nothing like hers and I wouldn't want it to be. She also likes really twee and overly girly stuff and her blog is a riot of colour whereas I prefer minimalist clean and simple styles. But I love reading her posts. This blog was an amazing resource when I first started to crochet and I still use it to get creative inspiration from. I do wish she'd post more patterns but I check her blog the most out of everyone's - even on my phone!

La Tarzane Leaves the Urban Jungle - this lazy cow hasn't updated her blog since December last year but I know she's busy and I love her so I'm letting it slide. This blog belongs to a friend of mine who's stationed in Aman. She was stationed in Jordan before that and she writes about the sights, sounds, smells, and tastes of the places she visits. She posts videos of fish in the sea while snorkelling and the beautiful architecture and people around her. It's a great insight into places you'll probably never visit which is why it made this list.

Unknown Housewife - Sarah is someone who I've kind of 'known' for about 4 years now although I've never actually met her. I like her blog because she is incredibly honest, and although she's a Mum, she doesn't let it define her or bang on about her kids all the time. In fact she often writes about how difficult she finds it which makes her endearingly human and is exactly the reason I like reading her stuff. 

We all want to see the real side of people and, although her life is very different from mine and I'm not necessarily interested in everything she gets up to, I love  reading her blog. I can tell she has a lovely heart and I'm always rooting for her. It's odd how you can feel endearment for someone you've never met but that's how I feel about Sarah.

The last one is a hard one so I'm going to bend the 'rules' and share it out:

I enjoy Fizzgigs blog although it's still pretty new to me. I'm very much enjoying finding out about her post by post and she seems to have vast resources of emotional and physical strength. It's great reading about another strong female - even though she doesn't always seem to know how strong she actually is.  

I love Superlative's blog cos he's hilarious and I like him very much despite never having met him - even though he actually even lives in the same city as me by some strange coincidence. He's another lazy blogger but he has a good heart, can tell a great story, and his family life is comedy gold. It also sounds like he makes a mean cocktail - every day after he leaves his shitty job where he is wasting his talents and dirtying his fabulous, shiny, darling little soul.

Wolynski is someone who's blog I adored but she got shut down by the US Government or Blogger or summat for slagging off the Mafia Museum in Vegas (It's shonky apparently). Her blog was quite political and she was world-savvy and fascinating. I've actually met Wolynski even though she lives in Vegas and I liked her very much too. In fact I really regret not spending my last but day with her (long story) before I left the city. She is fascinating and I reckon she knows a lot about a lot and is the keeper of many secrets.

Let The Blogging Frenzy Begin!

I just spend 2 mornings and literally hours reading back through all the old posts of a blogger friend I've neglected for months and I can honestly say that I haven't laughed so hard in ages.

Superlative is a rather fabulous fella who happens to live in the same town as me. I've never met him in person but I chat to him on Twitter sometimes and him and his boyfriend are people I reckon I'd get on very with if I met them in real life. Well I fancy the cocktails, Eurovision hangouts and chatting parts not the fancy dress parties and clubbing stuff he does cos that's not my bag at all. But anyone who can discuss the merits of flakey vs puff pastry and puts that much effort into costumes is my kind of chap. 

Anyway, he'd been doing a 'Blog every day in May' thing which meant he'd been given a title each day and had to write about it. I loved the idea. My blog has frankly become boring - I'm bored of it myself so it must make for very dull reading (don't answer that). The other day I looked back at some of the dating stuff I wrote a couple of years ago and I used to be funny dammit.- what the fuck happened to me?

Sometimes I don't really know what to write about if I'm honest. I think maybe I need to have don't have 'something to tell you' and perhaps the availability of Twitter means I can quickly make a statement without having to focus and write loads. Plus I have 2 business blogs and I'm trying to write another website so this blog often just gets left. Well I don't want that to happen any more so I've decided to do the blog a day challenge myself.

Obviously I'm a month late and it's already a week into the month but I'm just going to write a post a day on each subject anyway cos I'm a rebel like that - I thumb my nose at rules and flash my arse at protocol (who am I kidding, I'm so not the type of person who would flash my arse or  bosom at anyone - it's common, scummy, and rude). 

So here goes with this challenge. Below is the list of subjects you have to write about; feel free to join in or maybe just pick one that appeals to you and share it with me. 

With this being a secret blog, I suspect I might have a problem with #17.

Day 1: The story of your life in 250 words or less

Day 2: Educate us on something you know a lot about or are good at

Day 3: Things that make you uncomfortable

Day 4: Favourite quote and why you love it

Day 5: Publicly profess your love and devotion for one of your blogger friends. What makes them great? Why do you love them? If you don't have blogger friends, talk about a real-life friend or family member

Day 6: If you couldn't answer with your job, how would you answer the question, 'what do you do'?

Day 7: The thing(s) you're most afraid of

Day 8: A piece of advice you have for others. Anything at all.

Day 9: A moment in your day (this can be just a photo or both a photo and words)

Day 10: Most embarrassing moment (s)

Day 11: Sell yourself in 10 words or less

Day 12: What do you miss? (a person, a thing, a place, a time in your life)

Day 13: Issue a public apology. This can be as funny, serious or as creative as you want it to be

Day 14: Ten things that make you really happy

Day 15: A Day in the life (include photos from throughout your typical day or a photo an hour)

Day 16: Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it

Day 17: A favourite photo of yourself and why

Day 18: Tell a story from your childhood

Day 19: Five of your favourite blogs and what you love about them

Day 20: Get real. Share something you're struggling with right now

Day 21: A list of links to your favourite posts in your archives

Day 22: Rant about something

Day 23: Things you've learned that school won't teach you

Day 24: Your top 3 worst traits

Day 25: Something someone told you about yourself that you'll never forget 

Day 26: Something you read online. Leave a link and discuss, if you'd like

Day 27: A letter to your readers

Day 28: Only pictures

Day 29: Five songs or pieces of music that speak to you or bring back memories

Day 30: React to this term: Letting Go

Day 31: A vivid memory

Each to Their Own

Man there are some weird blogs on this site. If you've never spent some time hitting 'Next Blog' at the top of the screen then you are missing out my friends. It's an exercise in terror.

Most are to do with sports but many of them are also god-related. This isn't always evident at first however; sometimes you read down a little ways and are then confronted with a blessing or proverb. This is when I generally try to virtually tiptoe quietly away and hope I'm not spotted. Not that people know you're there of course, it's just that I suddenly get the fear wash over me and I feel the need to make a sharp exit.

Lots of blogs were sitting there sad and lonely where the person has given up writing it a year or two ago (we all know how easily that happens!) And quite a few were focused on their kid, so endless stories and photos of one dull, snotty-nosed little darling doing the usual stuff - going to school, playing on swings etc.

Here are some examples of what I've found in the last half hour:

This family's blog is entirely about their kid who they are actively encouraging to be stupid. They describe themselves as thus: "We are a nature loving, co-sleeping, unschooling family, striving for a peaceful lifestyle." Which means they are colossal hippies, the couple never have sex, and their kid will grow up to be a thickie. 

This poor bastard hasn't written since Nov 2011 just after he was institutionalised after a psychotic breakdown. A very harrowing story made slightly understandable when you read that he was a physics teacher. This blog started out quite happily in 2007 and somewhere along the line he seems to have descended into madness. His last post was quite rambling and when I looked at the 15 comments, most of them were spam. People who didn't care that he was crying out for help, they just wanted to sell him shit or ask him to come and read their blog. Dreadful.

This fella is mental about Ukulele's, so if you've been tossing and turning at night wondering how you can find out a bit more about the ukulele and it's finer workings then this blog has all the answers you'll need and more. You can even watch a short video of the writer play the theme music to Glee on a trumpet. Just joking... a ukulele!

This is a weird one. It seems to be some young tech and fashion-savvy Asian girl writing about all sorts of mad stuff with lots of repeat videos of her posing around in some tiny outfits in her parents living room. Her blog is sort of a paedophile's wet dream actually as she's a bit Lola-ish in some of the videos. She's kinda cool actually, in a too-kool-for-skool way.

I also read wide-eyed and mouth agape about one poor cow's account of her agonising childbirth, how the baby pooed inside her, and how her "right labia nearly ripped completely off". I don't have children and never once fancied going down that route - my labia are doing thank you very much. she hasn't blogged since the birth, which is fair enough.

So if you've got a spare half hour then I highly recommend 'Next Blogging'. Just gird your loins first.

Editing My Past

You may not think I've been on here a lot lately but I can tell you that I have been very active behind the scenes. When I imported the old blog into this one and added the labels widget to the sidebar, I noticed that a huge number of the bloody posts were missing so I've been trawling through 4 years of archives republishing them. I've been at it for days!

For example, I knew that I had a tonne of ugly shoe posts and I certainly didn't want them to go amiss - they need to serve as a warning to future generations. I can report that I shuddered anew with every one I republished. They pack some punch and if you're feeling brave then feel free to click the label and review the ones I've done so far. New blog readers may want to steel themselves first.

So yes, I've been going back through over 400 back posts, editing them a bit and reposting them as that seems to be the only way that Blogger recognises they belong to this new blog. I've also had to reformat them as the text was diddy and the labels were going off at a tangent somewhat - and you know I like to be tidy about these things.

It's been a bit of a ball-ache but has also been an insightful, and sometimes pitiful journey into my past. For example, I've loved reading about my journey into freelancing. I started writing this nearly 4 years ago and I was working full time when I started it, and reading back through my decision to leave my job and venture off on my own was pretty cool.

I also saw the last 3 Christmas's, Birthdays and New Years fly by, random (very determined) resolutions to lose weight and get fit (I'm still fat but I really did believe I was going to change things bless my deluded little heart) and my foray into Internet dating was quite a laugh. There were a lot of posts I wanted to add a postscript to ("I never went running again" and "I would move house 4 more times after this" for instance) but I decided to leave them as they were.

If you've never read back from the start of your blog then I highly recommend you do so. Which reminds me - I've still got shit loads to edit so please excuse me while I do the modern equivalent of reading back through my teenage diary!

En Vacances

Please note that normal bogging will resume when I am back from France and can post photos. 

I can tell you that it's hot but it will be a hotter day in hell when this broad gets her broad arse in a cossie and gets in the pool, and that the 4 children on holiday with us (other 10 adults) have never left more than 15 waking minutes without whining or crying. In fact I can hear one screaming now.

Blog ya very soon peeps!

Publish And Be Damned!

I think I've just decided to suck it up and stick with this blog. I can't be arsed to sort out another one and that could get compromised along the road anyhoo. (I love the word compromised, it reminds be of Action films and Star Trek) I'm just going to remain true to form and say what the hell I like. 

So if you know me and I'm having one of those moments that sounds like I want to throw myself from a car park roof, don't reach for the phone because I'm just letting off steam - If I've got a problem then I'll call you so don't worry yourself.

If I know you through freelancing and it sounds like I'm in despair because my business isn't doing very well, then take comfort in the fact that my business is actually doing ok; I'm very busy - I'm just incredibly shit with money.

And if I meet any of you for coffee then, unless I bring it up, don't mention anything you've read on my blog cos they're just moments in time and everything's cool and the gang. I just like to moan a lot.

What To Do?

I'm not sure what to do about this blog. I've had it for a few years now and some of you have been with me on this journey (of bitterness, angst, despair and scorn) right from the start. However over time, other people I know have started to read this including a couple of close friends and BBF, and I'm not sure I want them to any more.

The whole thing just spread over time and, although It's not like I want to bitch about these people, I'm finding that I don't feel I can say exactly what I want for fear of worrying or being judged by either friends, my boyfriend or other people I know through freelancing.

When I have a big rant or am feeling really shit about something and want to pour my heart out, I want to be able to say what I like without my friends thinking there's something wrong and that I'm turning into a basket case, when really I'm just having a bad day, and I want to be able to talk about work concerns without worrying that people I know through freelancing will judge me. 

Basically, I only want strangers to be able to read about what I really think. I know I could make it so that nobody can read the blog except me, but I like the support and advice that you all give me and that anyone can stumble upon my blog and follow it if they like - I just don't want people I know to be able to read everything that goes on in my head any more.

So what to do? I could either make the blog private so you need to be invited - then invite my virtual Blogger friends to read it; but his would mean that no new readers would ever come across it. Or I could move the blog over to a new platform and call it something else, but all the years of posts on here would be lost.

I know I can import old posts into Wordpress but I tried that once with my business blog and it looked like a car crash. Also, most of you are on Blogger anyway so it's easier for you to read my updates in your summary thing. Maybe I should start another new Blogger blog and then invite you to view it...?

*long sigh*... any suggestions?

Seek And Ye Shall Find

Sometimes when I'm just pootling about on the Internet, I press the 'Next Blog' button at the top and take a little tour around Blog land; it's kind of like staring into people houses when they've left the curtains open in the evening - you know you shouldn't be nosy, and there's never that much to see, but the mundaneness still makes you want to have a look!

Most of the blogs are pretty dull; they're the diaries of families mostly so there's the usual photos of kids and lots of people you don't know grinning wildly into the camera at some event that involves food and trying to have lots of fun through group activities. Although I've seen loads of these blogs now I'm still quite surprised at some of the lines I read. These lines are always to do with Jesus.

They'll just be talking about something normal and then they'll drop in the line "I'm just so grateful for the gospel", or "on our way to church...", or they'll just randomly quote a line from the bible. Personally I immediately tiptoe quietly back out in case they see me, warily glancing behind each shoulder. I suppose it's because religion isn't really that dominant over here in people's daily lives whereas all these blogs are (always) American and it clearly plays a much bigger part in theirs.

The religious comments are so casually mentioned that you can tell it's part of their daily thoughts and routine, whereas nobody I know voluntarily talks about their religious beliefs at all - well unless they're wearing a dog collar or a Yarmulke! It's just not a big thing over here and, although there's lots of different religions being practiced, Christianity isn't really one of the big day-to-day players so you don't often hear people banging on about 'our lord Jesus Christ'.

I still enjoy bouncing from blog to blog though, and I suppose it's safer than peering through strangers windows from the street because at least they can't see you critiquing their lifestyle and decor choices. So if you've never gone blog browsing before then I suggest you try it; it certainly takes you to some interesting places!

Blog Me Up Baby!

I find myself the proud owner of another blog award thanks to the lovely Eve over at Little Things. She's quite a new follower so I'm pretty chuffed that she sees my blog as versatile! I'm supposed to link to her blog to say thank you (done) and reveal another 7 things about myself...

• I always demand that my drinks are served with just one piece of ice; I used to run a pub so I know the secrets - lots of ice means less liquid and a watery drink! One piece is just right.
• I'm terrified of spiders; it's an irrational fear but that's why they call it a phobia!
• I'm a proud Trekker (we're not Trekkies thank you very much)
• I would wear my jamas everywhere if I could.
• I'm obsessed with checking the Edinburgh Zoo Penguin Webcam every day.
• I'm pretty sure I'm addicted to sugar.
• I changed my surname by deed poll about 8 years ago.

Now I need to recommend other blogs that I like: 

• Wolynski over at Vegas Images - Her photography is stunning and I love the insight into the beautiful yet often bizarre World of Vegas. 
• My friend La Tarzane (I write about her as Star Trek Girl) over at La Tarzane Leaves The Urban Jungle - her blog is about life and customs in the various countries she gets posted to. She's just come home from Jordan and will be resuming her blog shortly after she arrives in Oman next month!
• Kerry who is Undersexed, Underpaid and Undervalued - Kerry's a saucy little dancing harlot who you think you'd love to meet in real-life! Kerry likes to show her knickers a lot...
• The Freelancer's Fashion Blog - I've just started following this one; I don't even comment I just love looking at the clothes!
• Charlene over at Writing.Mine.Join Me - I really enjoy her musings on life and never know what she's going to write about next. She does seem slightly obsessed with the weather at times!

Waddya know, nothing for 2 years and then 2 awards come along at once!

Stylish Blogger Award

Sarah the Unknown Housewife has nominated me for a Stylish Blogger Award - which is nice.  I'm not too sure what it means although I imagine it implies my blog is fantastically stylish, chic and easy on the eye! I'm very much a minimalist kind of person, I like a lot of white and I'm not into clutter at all, so it's probably only stylish cos there's not much to see!

Apparently I also have to nominate some other people who's blogs I admire as well as revealing 7 things about myself; which is akin to when you run around the huge scary stone sarcophagus in the churchyard 3 times at 3 o'clock and the devil will appear - or is that just my home town?

So here's seven things you might not have known about me:

1. I don't know how to drive
2. I can't stand the smell of lavender
3. My favourite song is House of The Rising Sun
4. I worship the ground that David Starkey walks on
5. Ibuprofen makes me psychotic & peppers leave me curled up in agony
6. I don't like the word 'portion'
7. I didn't get on a plane until after I was 30

Blogs I Can Recommend:

Vegas Images - her photos are beautiful although she won't give a shit about the award.

Attic 24 - she doesn't need the kudos as she's popular enough already, but her designs are absolutely lovely.

Easy Makes Me Happy - her blog is very stylish and she is incredibly creative.

Red Pepper Quilts - gorgeous

La Tarzane - she hasn't written for a while but will posted to some new far-flung country soon. It's full of brilliant stories about living life in the Middle East.

A lot of the blogs I read aren't necessarily stylish; it's more that they have great content! 

Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily

Blimey, I haven't written properly for AGES! This is actually because I've been too wrapped up with Bestest Boyfriend (BBF) to be bothered with anything else; plus I'm going through a particularly lazy phase.  Bizarrely I dreamed about 2 of my followers last night - the lucky ladies were Unknown Housewife and our favourite pant flasher, Kerrie.  

Like most dreams, it didn't really make any sense but I can remember this much:  I was in Italy with BBF and a faceless female friend and was visiting Sorento - while I was there I decided to go to Pompeii then on to Vesuvius without telling anyone I was leaving.  Obviously there was no actual travelling between locations and none of the places  looked like they do in real life, but I knew they were those places in my head and they were beautiful, vivid and very real to me - I recall having a brilliant time.

Later, I was dining al fresco by the sea with my faceless friend and some other people I don't know; Secret Housewife and Kerrie were at the other end of the table and Kerrie started making a right show of herself by singing badly and very loudly - everyone at the table was mortified by her lack of decorum and shame.  Then a distraction appeared in the shape of Lady Gaga at another table who had been recognised by some paps clamouring at a nearby gate; she then sped off across the Bay of Naples in a speedboat with the paps in pursuit and the dream was over.

I'm imagining the reason I dreamed about my Blogger friends is because I was talking to another friend the other night about how I have been involved in the highs and lows of your lives for 2 years now and how you're sometimes more supportive than my actual mates. I was explaining how It's easy for us to tell each other everything because we won't worry, judge, blabber or care much - saying that, I was mulling over Unknown Housewife's son dilemma for most of the day!

I've been talking about Italy a lot recently as I want to go to Rome or Venice for my 40th next year, and I may have dreamed about Lady Gaga because I can't stand her. Superlative said he once dreamed about me; we were walking along at the college he works at and he said some people were throwing things at us...

I've never dreamt about any of you before, but all I have to say is: Unknown Housewife - you were a pleasure to be around, and Kerrie - you need to get a hold of yourself and possibly take singing lessons!

Sort Your Shit Out Blogger

What THE FUCK is going on with Blogger publishing today? When I write the post it looks fine, when I preview it, it's all joined up and when I publish it there's double line breaks....GRRRRR!!!!!  Bloggery piece of shite.

Virgin Media Are Useless

For the last couple of days I've been having a nightmare with the internet. Basically Virgin Media are a bunch of incompetents who can't fix anything this side of Christmas due to their uselessness. The Internet went off 3 days ago and after a lot of faffing around and us thinking it was the equipment, or connection we phoned Virgin who reported  it to be their problem - but not to worry as it should be fixed by the 2nd June... Unfuckingbelievable.

So for the last couple of days I have been going down to a very kind friends house and using their internet all day but I don't want to put them out and it'd be nice to not have to leave the house to go online. Due to the nature of my job, I could get an enquiry, or work sent through at any time, plus all my crochet and craft stuff is on the internet as well as email  - you know how it is. Basically I can't do anything and am hugely inconvenienced.

Last night I discovered that one of the neighbours has an unsecured network which, although not ideal, means that I can at least check emails and write this blog - kinda. I always switch between Internet Explorer and Chrome to write a blog as I can't seem to drag photos around in Chrome. I just tried IE and it won't connect (I only have 2 bars) plus it drops me out every now and again. I'm not sure if I'm going to lose everything as it's not hot on saving either, so I'm just writing all my posts and then inserting pictures later.

I'm trying to roll with it and chill out but frankly it's pissing me right off and I'm both infuriated and a little upset. I know I should get over it but I'm just not going to. I want to do what I want to do and when I want to do it, and that's not happening so I'm a bit peevish frankly. On the plus-side there are 5 hours of Star Trek Voyager on later and I imagine I'll get shit loads of crocheting done!

Schoolgirl Error

I've just had the awful realisation that I might have blown my cover. Although I'm not generally known as a stupid person, I accidentally emailed the dating guy from the wrong email account and if he decides to Google the name he will immediately find this blog which then goes on to mention him and is clearly written by the person he just met. Bollocks. 

He was pretty intelligent as well so I think he might well at some point. I wasn't thinking and just emailed him from my personal account - my friends wouldn't bother to look the name up plus most of them don't know I write a blog anyway. 

It's not that I've written anything personal about him and I don't talk in detail about people I know anyway, but if you read back you can see I'm a ranty misanthrope with a puppy/kitten obsession which I was hoping to conceal until later! 

Well, I guess the best I can hope for is that he's not as clever as he looks and doesn't spend too much time on the internet. 

Fuuuuck! what. a. dunce.

All Gone

God this is so disappointing - I've decided to stick with Blogger as it would mean that even if I imported my blog, all the photos have gone anyway. Plus you guys are all here as well...

So I've just spent hours trying to replace the photos that accompany the posts; I often spent AGES finding the perfect photo as well and I've not been able to find them all again - I could go with new ones, but I chose the last ones because they were perfect.

Nearly every SkyWatch photo was taken on my camera phone then deleted once uploaded so they've gone forever, I have no way of finding a lot of the ugly shoes (one doesn't just stumble upon such hideousness) so I've had to delete some of those posts altogether as well. (Although LInked Within obviously doesn't understand that a post has gone, because that would just be too easy and might indicate that technology was my side)

It's been a little upsetting to see how often I mentioned Dexter as well - especially to read how many times I said I feared he would be killed by a car after I moved; or all the mornings we spent chilling in bed or the happy afternoons on the sofa hanging out.

The 300 Clutter-Thunk photos can be put up again I guess, even though some of them will be the second time around for you. But the Cynic ones were personal and are hard to replicate. This is going to be a long job; some of the posts had 3 pictures and only Link Within is giving me any hint as to what the photo was - Imagine if you had to recreate a whole year's worth of 2 blogs. What a fucking hassle.

Bastard Blogger

Right I'm absolutely furious about this. ALL the photos pre 9th October on my Clutter-Thunk Blog have also disappeared. All 300 posts.

I didn't know that you had to keep the photos on Picasa as Blogger is owned by Google. So I now have to decide whether to put all the photos back up again, or whether to export my blog to another provider. 

Apparently, once Picassa is full, you have to delete photos anyway which will then also disappear off your Blogger blog - and they don't even tell you this! I don't want to be held to ransom by Google either. I don't like Wordpress much so I'm off to check out typepad.

I can't believe this - I'm steaming right now.