Blogging Challenge Day 30: React to This Term - Letting Go

I'm actually great at letting go... as long as it's my decision.

Things - I'm not a hoarder; in fact the opposite. I like a minimalist look and, although I keep sentimental things, I keep them nicely organised. I have a shoe-box sized memory box for some bits, an actual shoe-box for sentimental letters and cards, I sellotape travel tickets and receipts from holidays and days out in a lovely book, I keep little mementos in a printers tray, and I have all my cinema tickets (with the name of who I went with written on the back of course) in a little tidy bag in a drawer.

I'm always chucking things out but woe betide anyone who loses something I've lent them. In fact I'm well known for not lending out my stuff and I don't see this as a bad thing. I've lost so many things because people don't look after my property that I rarely ever lend anything. Some people think this is a little selfish, but I didn't buy something only for it to end up being someone else's thank you. I've got some nice things and I'm keeping them dammit.

People - I'm also very good at letting go of people - too good some of my friends might say. If I'm done then I'm just done and there's no point in dwelling over it or wringing my hands. When friends leave for far-flung places I'm never the one crying as I wave them off. I'm happy for them and I know we'll probably be chatting on Skype before the end of the week. I look upon such criers as a bit weird actually.

But if someone I love (we're talking boyfriends here) leaves me when I'm not ready, then I'm not a happy bunny at all. I do move on of course - and probably quicker than most people - but I'm not over the moon about the whole thing.

I seldom stay friends with people I meet through work either. Sometimes of course, but generally I keep work and my personal life separate. I work all day with these people so I don't want to hang out with them all bloody night as well! Maybe I'm just good at compartmentalising things but I only have a couple of friends who I went to school with or once worked with which I think is quite unusual as far as I can tell. 

Words & Actions - I definitely find it harder to let go of something that someone has said or done now I think about it. I might forgive what the person said, but I most certainly won't forget it. I find myself mulling over past words and actions and feeling very self-righteous and indignant about it ages later. It's not that I care what someone thinks about me, but I often feel annoyed that they tried to take the piss for example. So I guess I might decide to put things behind me but I'll always remember it happened.

The Past - I had a very turbulent childhood and my parents said and did some pretty outrageous things and treated me in a manner that is unacceptable to anyone I've mentioned it to. But I decided in my 20's to just let it go.

I think I'm very realistic and a 'put up or shut up' kind of person so, unless I was going to make the decision to never speak to them again, I just had to get over it, move on, and take the relationship from there. I decided there were more years ahead of us than behind us so it was worth trying to work on a better relationship. I am still a bit annoyed that they won't recognise or acknowledge the things they did, but it's not something worth getting too stressed about.

Myself - I've definitely let myself go appearance-wise (bit tubby) and I'm not a person who would just let myself go and make a fool of myself by drunkenly singing karaoke in a bar for example. Possibly at a private party but it hasn't happened so far. I can't sing so why would I want to get up and embarrass myself? Wouldn't happen. 

I'd 'let myself go' by leaping out of a plane for instance, but I wouldn't 'let my inhibitions go' and show myself up. There's enough people doing that and I think it's cheap. In a discussion with some female colleagues once, it turned out that I was the only one who'd never flashed  their tits or arse in public. The only one. Why would you do that? Nasty. I didn't feel like I'd missed out in any way and it actually secretly changed the way I felt about them if I'm honest. I thought they had no self-pride or knew how to behave themselves in public. I was proud that I was the only one in fact.

So I guess I've discovered by reacting to the term 'letting go' that I find it very easy to let go of things, the past, and people but not so easy to let go of words or myself. And I'm ok with that.