You Pratty-Watty

Russell Brand - It's not even the crass, misogynistic comments to Georgina Baillie's Grandfather that showed you up as a puerile, vulgar prat; it's not the faux, cockney accent or the fact that you look like a grubby, sleazy sex-pest who would try to touch a girl up then attempt to make them look like a prude who 'can't take a joke'.

It's not even that you're a cheap slut of a man who's slept with everyone, or that you're a boring, untalented, shouting moron, it's not the awful clothes, greasy beard and guyliner - It's that you are simply the most irritatingly arrogant show-off with one of the most punchable faces on television.


That and the fact that you're a bit of a cock.

Ready, Aim, Fire Mariah

Mariah Carey - No Mariah, you are not a cute little 12 year old girl who 'butterflies follow everywhere' you are in fact a dippy, shallow, pretentious 39 year old gimp who just happens to have a singing voice that some people like.

You do not need 11 bodyguards to surround your restaurant table so the hoi polloi can't see you eat, your Jack Russell does not need it's own private jet, you don't need someone to hold your cup whilst you sip through the straw, and it's actually quite rude to appear 90 minutes late for an award ceremony because you broke a nail.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the World, I can't help but cry; I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff" - Maria, you are pointless pinhead.

Not Just a Stupid Face

Peaches Geldof - Peaches has the honour of being listed first simply because I simply cannot bear to look at her clueless, irritating, simpering, hamster-cheeked face over and above everyone else that I dislike. Peaches was in fact voted the 2nd most annoying person in Britain recently - I demand a recount!

When you combine a jaw-dropping lack of talent, overdosing on drugs then acting outraged that the ambulance services were "invading her privacy", calling the Australian press c***s for wanting to take her picture, being booed by Chester French fans after running on stage during their set and making an exhibition of herself; it all adds up to one immature, bratty, gormless, dunce who receives far more publicity than she deserves and only further reinforces the fact that in today's society you can be famous for simply being a self-obsessed, pointless, vacuous waste of space.