Well Hello There - It's Been AGES!

Blimey, I haven't posted for ages. On one hand there's been nothing to tell you and on the other there's been loads. Now it's all build up so I'll  bring you up to speed by doing a round-up kinda post then I can get back on track and you might actually know what the fuck I'm talking about!

Love life - my love life is rubbish. There's no two ways about this one. I've started doing some Internet dating again... I'm sure a few of you may recall how THAT one turned out but if you weren't a reader, it was both funny and a shambles at the same time. These are my dates so far:

Two dates with Terry who was lovely despite the awful name but there was no chemistry. We are going to be friends though because he's interesting and local.

Two dates with Geoff who told me after our second date that he'd been on another second date with someone a few days before and they'd decided to start seeing each other. I was pretty annoyed that he didn't cancel his date with me thus wasting my Sunday and his. I may have had a lucky swerve though as he told me on the date that he felt no passion or drive for anything which made me wonder if that extended to people. Also he couldn't see a face in the grass I was trying to point out in a field (we were up on a hill) which possibly meant he had no imagination. Plus his name is truly dreadful.

One date with Shailen who, despite saying he had a great time and asking to see me the next week, never contacted me again. Pretty fucking rude.

Even though I'm good at being single and love most aspects of it, this doesn't mean that I want to be single forever and spend the next 40 years by myself. It's really hard to meet people though - especially someone who is interested in me in return it seems.

Social Life - excellent. I've joined a few Meet-up groups and can go out every night of the week if I like. I love the gaming group I go to and really like a guy there but he's 9 years younger than me. We get on really well and it's a shame about the age as I'd ask him out otherwise. I also have some amazing friends who have been brilliant recently as I've been feeling a bit down this week. One even came round with cake and took me out for coffee to cheer me up.

Emotional Status - rubbish. This week has been utter pants and I've been feeling quite sorry for myself. There's a few reasons for this:

1. I've hurt my back and can't get comfy
2. My business has been quiet (which never happens) which has made me start to worry a bit about money
3. My ex has a new girlfriend which he met because she lives in his road and just went and knocked on his fucking door. I'm annoyed about this one as, although I don't want him back, I feel that he was responsible for the breakdown of our relationship, my resulting unhappiness, and that he doesn't deserve the ease at which he's found someone new when I'm much more deserving and nobody wants me. It's hard to admit that I'm bitter and angry about it but that is the truth of the matter. I don't want him to be unhappy but I'm annoyed that he met someone so easily when I can't.
4. Feeling rejected emotionally. Even though I don't care what strangers think about me, I guess it's only natural to feel rejected and confused and all sorts of other horribly damaging emotions when someone rejects you (Geoff & Shailen). Even though they were clearly dicks, it's still quite hurtful and has knocked my self-esteem more than I expected.
5. I fell off my new way of eating when my best friend came to visit. Thisnot only made me physically sick (my body actually immediately rejected what I'd just eaten) and ropey, it made me feel weak for going off track so easily once I had company.

Work - mixed. My main line of work has been really quiet (but looks like it might be picking up from today) and I'm in the process of setting up a new online business which I'm pretty excited about. I'd shelved it for a year as I'd been too busy so, whilst it was quiet, I took the opportunity to finish writing the new website and get the logo designed etc. 

Health - I leant over to readjust the sofa cushions last Saturday and twinged my back. It often just sorts itself out in a day or two but hasn't this time - so I feel about 80. I've also started a new way of eating which seems to agree with me. I've been eating a paleo diet for a couple of months and have never felt healthier. It's stopped my sugar cravings and apparently I even look leaner which is a bonus. 

I've never craved pasta and bread (although I like them) but when I fell off the wagon and ate bread and cake recently, I felt like I'd been poisoned and felt shaky and just dreadful really. It's also made me start cooking, which is something I've never been a big fan of. 

Summary - actually overall things are fine but this week has definitely knocked me sideways and I've been surprised at how being rejected by a couple of men has made me feel. I'm not getting any younger and it would be nice to have someone to share things with and I would like to be in love again one day soon. I have my friends but I mean romantically of course. Being rejected makes you question your personality and your appearance - I know you shouldn't feel that way but you can't help it. Your brain just doesn't play ball sometimes!

I've still been reading your blog updates of course and I so hope you haven't all forgotten me just because I dropped off the radar for a bit. x

Rockets, Wales, Druids And Urinators

I had such good intentions to write up my training weekend in Wales but I've been so busy this week that I've not had time until now. I'm helping to organise an event to mark the end of the Brighton Festival and that has taken up every minute of my time this week. It's fun though - I love organising events but they're very intrusive and take over your life!

The weekend went very well despite it being a wet start. I got a lift up with a guy who works in a different department. I'd met him a couple of times but until the (4 hour) car journey had no idea that he was a raging bigot and racist!

Oh yes, I got to hear all about how the Polish and other EU Nationals were coming over here and claiming benefits, how the homeless choose to live on the streets, how young girls get pregnant so they can get a council house, how the 'wrong people' were breeding, and how the thousands of dying children in the 3rd world were a result of natural selection and we shouldn't help them because their governments were corrupt. 

Now I've been described as a 'Daily Mail Reader' by friends because I think people should be held accountable for their actions. I believe there should be consequences for the things we do, and the 'poor me, not my fault, not my job', attitudes are simply not good enough. However his opinions were highly offensive and the journey was a nightmare. I got a lift back in another car to London then caught a train back home from there instead of returning with him.

We had to partake in Team Building exercises which I'm not usually very keen on. This time however we got to have a go at archery and the tasks were a bit more cerebral. Working out how to protect an egg in a rocket that was going to be shot up as high as a house for instance. It turns out I am a crack shot at firing a gun - I was good at the axe-throwing we did on an adventure day last year, but I was so good at firing an air rifle I won a prize. Incredible - I have a useless talent!

Luckily I also managed to get a room to share with just one other girl. She is also very sensible and boring so I got some sleep - I had also bought earplugs which helped! The 3 girls in the room a couple of doors down however were rudely woken in the night by the sound of some bloke pissing in their waste paper basket. They made a noise and he ran off - although nobody knew where to! I would not have been happy about that I can tell you...

The weather picked up on the second day and we could see the hills and valleys near us more clearly. We took a lovely walk to a little nearby pub and 38 of us piled in for dinner. I took myself back to the Youth Hostel at sunset as there were no street lights and I didn't fancy the walk in the dark. I think only 3 cars passed me on the way back it was that quiet.

Another highlight for me apart from the shooting and the lone stroll back was getting up at 6.30 and sitting outside on my own in the quiet. All I could hear were birds signing, the occasional cock crowing, and the sound of the wind. I never get up that early here and it was brilliant. It's never that quiet here either (cars, seagulls, the railway line, people) so I really appreciated it.

On the Sunday we went to the Green Man site and the Druids blessed the festival and asked for good weather. The bloke without the hat is Arthur Pendragon - a bit of an eccentric who thinks he's a reincarnation of King Arthur (like you do) he was a bit stand-offish actually but it was an interesting thing to see and take part in the Pagan ritual. The festival site is very beautiful but it was weird to see it so empty with no tents and stages!

So all in all a pretty good weekend. Wales is beautiful and it was really good to catch up with the managers of the festival departments, but I'm glad I bought my ear plugs, and even gladder that nobody pissed in my room.

Virgin Media Are Useless

For the last couple of days I've been having a nightmare with the internet. Basically Virgin Media are a bunch of incompetents who can't fix anything this side of Christmas due to their uselessness. The Internet went off 3 days ago and after a lot of faffing around and us thinking it was the equipment, or connection we phoned Virgin who reported  it to be their problem - but not to worry as it should be fixed by the 2nd June... Unfuckingbelievable.

So for the last couple of days I have been going down to a very kind friends house and using their internet all day but I don't want to put them out and it'd be nice to not have to leave the house to go online. Due to the nature of my job, I could get an enquiry, or work sent through at any time, plus all my crochet and craft stuff is on the internet as well as email  - you know how it is. Basically I can't do anything and am hugely inconvenienced.

Last night I discovered that one of the neighbours has an unsecured network which, although not ideal, means that I can at least check emails and write this blog - kinda. I always switch between Internet Explorer and Chrome to write a blog as I can't seem to drag photos around in Chrome. I just tried IE and it won't connect (I only have 2 bars) plus it drops me out every now and again. I'm not sure if I'm going to lose everything as it's not hot on saving either, so I'm just writing all my posts and then inserting pictures later.

I'm trying to roll with it and chill out but frankly it's pissing me right off and I'm both infuriated and a little upset. I know I should get over it but I'm just not going to. I want to do what I want to do and when I want to do it, and that's not happening so I'm a bit peevish frankly. On the plus-side there are 5 hours of Star Trek Voyager on later and I imagine I'll get shit loads of crocheting done!

Language Nazi Makes a Stand

Right. That's it. I can't bear it any more. I need to rant.

If one more grown adult sends me a text, email or tweet with a fucking emoticon, the words LMAO, PMSL, LOL or any of these wanky symbol faces :-0 ;-) I am going to punch their stupid faces in.

My skin crawls when I see these symbols and I start to think less of the person sending it. I know it's extreme but I can't help it. I also think that people who think they're 'down with the kids' and write in text speak are lazy, illiterate retards who can't be bothered to learn the English language - I see this kind of shit on Facebook all the time and I've had enough.

I absolutely despise Facebook; I joined it a few years ago out of interest when I had 10 days off work with a bad back, and I use it to keep in contact with people I know who live out of Brighton. But all I see are adults posting vapid, badly-spelt unpunctuated comments, tending pretend crops and sending pointless imaginary drinks. Yesterday, a relative of mine posted "Dinner on an it smells lush yumyum so hungry now x" and I just wanted to kick her face off. She had NINE comments! The banality of it both really angers and depresses me.

The dumbing-down of everything (thanks Simon Cowell you greedy, soul-sucking, parasitic twat) is making the World a poorer place in my opinion; I sometimes read a bit of celebrity gossip and have a shallow side like everyone, but you have to have limits Goddamit! I'll even use a waving emoticon sometimes on Skype when I'm going because they're relatively inoffensive and I use them sparingly; but when they're in every bloody text, my blood starts to boil and I'm clouded by hatred.

When I mention that I hate these faces and abbreviations, I always get a spate of them sent to me because it's clearly the funniest thing since organised religion. People seem to think that you can't tell how a message was meant if there isn't some stupid face in it - so just use an exclamation mark or the words 'haha' and hope that your friend is smart enough to work it out for themselves! It may be irrational to some, but I've reached breaking point and something has to be done before I actually smash someone's face in shouting "you're not LYFAO now are you, you knob!!!!"

Rant over.