50 Shades of Awkwardness

My boyfriend and I had 'the chat' about our relationship being arse - this was after he took his fingers from his ears and stopped repeating "lalalalalalalala" so he couldn't hear me spell out the obvious of course. 

It amazes me how a lot of people are happy to just plod on when something isn't right instead of sorting it out or moving on. I can't bear to waste time on nonsense and probably move on too quickly - I won't even stick with a book if the first couple of chapters are crap. 

I explained how I'd prefer us to be great friends rather than a shit couple and that we were pretty much living like brother and sister so what was the point. You're not really having a proper relationship if you're not doing the saucy stuff and, if you're not even that affectionate with each other any more, then it's time to rethink the situation. He said he wasn't very good at coming to terms with things and moving on which was a shame as that's my speciality! I am so good at moving on it's embarrassing. I didn't tell him this of course.

The slightly awkward thing is that we're not really sure what we are any more. Until I move out we're 2 people that sleep in the same bed and kiss and hug sometimes but never snog. It's only after I go that we'll get to see if we can make it into a proper relationship I guess. We're not even sure if we've broken up or not or if we should even be toughing each other. This is why I am very anxious that my client signs the damned tenancy agreement and pays the lease for the new flat asap. I'm not the most patient of people but hopefully it'll all be finalised soon and I can move into my own fabulous flat.

It's been very hard being with someone who says they're depressed. I don't understand when he's depressed or when he's using it as an excuse to be crap to be honest. Apparently there're nothing you can do to help a depressive unless you're an expert, so where does that leave me? Having to put up with it for ever? I think not. 

I'm not one of the world's most sympathetic people and I'm not suited to the role of carer either. Too selfish perhaps, but I'm not going to spend my time helping someone who does nothing to help himself. 

We're still going on holiday together in a few weeks which I also hope won't be awkward, but in a way we're actually getting on better than we ever have because there's nothing at stake any more. We're not arguing because we're not sure if we're together, so it's all a bit odd really but not on a bad way. Hard to explain...

I'm off to my folks tomorrow for a joint birthday party thing. This should be interesting as it's my aunt's 50th birthday and her son's 30th - and she just told me that her son's 'girlfriend' is in her 60's... Now that probably will be awkward.