My Friend's Mum is Dying

My friend's Mum is dying and I feel so sorry for her. It's all happened so quickly and my friend is completely distraught and whirling around in a nightmare which will only begin to dissipate with the death of her Mother - and then it will change into something else equally painful.

Cancer is literally devouring her, and from having nothing in her hip 3 weeks ago, she now can't even walk. It is in her head, her lungs, her hip and her ovaries. It has only just been discovered and it ravaging her at an alarming rate. My friend obviously is devastated and I desperately want to make her feel better but know it's impossible. 

My friend knows that treatment will only give her Mum a bit more time, but her Mum seems to think she will be cured and it will all go away. She's not ready to die and hasn't fully grasped the situation - or if she has then she's not admitting it. Also they're not even sure if the treatment will be worth it as it may buy her time, but at what cost?

My friend lives in Brighton, her brother lives in Brussels and her Mum lives in London. She has a 3 year old son and, although her husband is the main breadwinner, she has had to freeze the business she's only just set up to spend all her free time up in London. I've offered to look after her son when I can and I'm treating her to an afternoon out for tea and cake, but I so wish I could do more for her.

When she first told me, she had this look in her eye when she was talking about treatment. Her words were saying there could be hope, but her eyes said otherwise. They were almost imploring and searching mine for an indication that I agreed, and my heart just broke for her. Sadly, I felt both that I understood her fear and that I was lucky not to be in her position as my Dad has just been diagnosed with skin cancer and I felt guilty that he was going to be ok and her Mum was not.

Well, it looks like my Dad is going to be ok. They removed a mole on his arm, discovered it was cancerous then he went back so they could take more away. This resulted in 14 stitches so it was quite an area. He had another one removed from his back and now they have to take more from the area on his arm again. This time he'll have to have skin grafts.

He's not too worried as it hasn't spread to his lymph nodes and the success rate is very high. But part of me wonders if this is it - is this how it starts? After all, we are all going to lose our parents if we haven't already, and then one day it will be our turn. Death moves ever closer and the best we can hope for is that our family (and ourselves) will one day be afforded a 'good' death. My apologies for the morbidity but such is the subject of the post and the reality of the situation.

So while I wait and see what will happen to my Dad, my friends Mum is rapidly and reluctantly dying. Her partner has lost both his parents already so she at least has someone to talk to that understands and can maybe help her come to terms with it, but this is the first of my friends that I've seen go through this and I wish I knew how to help her more. I know all I can do is be there for her but I really wish it was more.