It's Not a Question of Opinion Actually

I think I've realised why I'm single and I have to say that I really don't mind.   

I've got a newish friend who I've been meeting for coffee now and again over the past few months. I met him through some other friends and we seem to get on well (no romance ideas by the way), and the other day he mentioned that he hadn't seen the 2009 JJ Abrams Star Trek remake yet. Obviously I was shocked. As a proud Trekker I felt it my duty to remedy the situation immediately so I invited him round to watch the film. So far so good.

So he came over and it all started off nicely enough. we watched the film and all was well. But then we started talking about current events and this was when the trouble began.

Obviously Britain's vilest dictator had just popped her clogs so this was one of the topics of discussion. Now, I'm ok with a difference of opinion but when you get to the point when you disagree so vehemently that you just want to punch the other person in the face it's best you stop and simply agree to disagree. Well that's what I asked for anyway. 

Let me first also mention that I really hate people that 'play devils advocate' just for the sake of it. Apart from La Tarzane who can do no wrong and advocates for a living, just have an effing opinion will you? I hate it when people try to play devil's advocate just because they think my little mind has never considered the other side of a story. No, I've considered it and I've formulated an opinion thank you. This is how it works when you spend some of your life thinking about things.

What pissed me off wasn't that we disagreed over politics, it was that I told him I wanted to drop the subject as I was getting angry and that we'd fall out if he continued, and he just carried on. If you know me you can imagine how I felt about that; let's just say it did not go down well. What also didn't help is that earlier we'd been discussing horse racing and I said I had a very high success rate of picking winning horses. I'd worked at a racecourse and I knew what all the data on the race card meant - plus I just had a flipping good rate of picking winners. So this was not simply my opinion, but a statement of fact.

But oh no - he disagreed with my experience and the evidence I provided. He said that if it was that easy then everyone would be picking winners. I explained that it wasn't easy but outlined my process and said I actually did quite well using this elimination method. But still he poo-pooed me. Unbelievable. And this is exactly one of the reasons why I left my ex boyfriend. Neither of them could get their head around the concept that I wasn't asking their opinion, I was stating a fact. You can discuss my reasoning of course, but to actually call it into question or dismiss it is like prodding a tiger with a stick. 

None of my female friends feel the need to debate or question my opinions unsolicited. Yes,

they might ask why I feel a certain way but they never question its validity, and if I say I want to drop a subject then they do. It has only ever been male friends or boyfriends who think they have the right to call into question how I feel. It wasn't up for debate and their opinion was not required nor requested - and yet they continued to feel the need to do this even when met by resistance and then hostility.

And would you believe, the next day the idiot had the gall to email me a link to some political data to enforce his opinion even after I told him that I didn't want to talk about it any more. Incredible. Just like my ex, it didn't matter what I wanted, he had to push the matter. I did not take at all well to this and I won't repeat what I emailed back.

It just amazes me that people do this. If I get to the point where I'm warning a person to back off then I really mean it, I'm not just saying it for a laugh. I did this with my ex on occasion and told him he would not like the results if he continued with a certain line of behaviour. He ignored this quite open and honest warning, carried on doing it, I ended up leaving him, and he was baffled at why that happened. If I tell someone that something really annoys me and they keep on doing it then they're clearly a dunce and shouldn't be surprised at the results.

I've never really understood why people do this yet at the same time I don't really care. A friend recently mentioned that he'd noticed that I've never seemed interested in working out people's motives and I replied that was because I didn't see a point to it. I've never felt a need to and you'll never fully know why people do things (they don't often know themselves) so it'll ever only be speculation which is a waste of time. Plus it's their job to work out why they do things not mine; I'm not a psychiatrist nor do I want to be one. I'm only interested in the effect of their actions on me if I'm honest!

And this I believe may be the reason why I'm single. I won't allow anyone to tread on or question my opinions or feelings on a subject and it's always boyfriends (or potential boyfriends) who seem to think that I don't mean what I say or know my own mind. Well this trait is very fixed in me; it's one of the main threads of my character and is never going to be otherwise. People can debate a subject with me but they're not welcome to debate the way I feel about it. And woe betide the person that pushes the issue once I've told them to stop. 

Rant over - I'm off to get my roots done and have coffee with people who don't question me. Have a lovely weekend!