His bedroom was pretty dark and boyish so not the place I ever wanted to linger of a morning - I used to head to the living room as soon as I got up as it was a bit brighter in there. Basement flats are a bit dull like that.
My best friend is coming to visit for the weekend and later this evening up to 15 laydees are coming over for wine and cake to warm my new flat. I still need some more furniture, the landlady has done a shonky job on painting the place (woodwork gets sanded first people!) and work has been scant this month so I'm skint - but I am all settled and as happy as I can be in the circumstances.
my ex came over yesterday as he helped me put up the bed. Our relationship is now in the realms of tricky and grey. I don't know if he's my boyfriend or if it's over. Did we call it a day or are we seeing how things go now I've moved out? We're actually getting on very well now - no bickering because there's no point.
I thought I'd feel free and happy once I'd moved in and I don't somehow. Maybe it's because someone else is helping pay for the flat that I know it can't last for ever and I'll have to move again. Maybe it's because I thought I'd found 'the one' then it went to shit. Maybe it's because I don't have familiar things around me so feel a bit adrift. I know I miss Dillinger - I don't feel lonely but I do feel alone.
Last night I decided that Martha Gellhorn or Bette Davis wouldn't sit around feeling glum and out of sorts; they'd tell me to man up and pull myself together. So this is what I will do. I made the decision to leave, I know it was the right decision, so now I will get on with it.
Maybe to feel more settled I just need more furniture... or a dog.
The dog would be more fun ... but a quick trip to Shabitat might be easier to manage! Transitions are always tricky, even when we know it's for the right reasons or a better lifestyle in the long run. Hang in there, and the joys of your own pad will just keep on growing on you!
ReplyDeleteBig love
And sorry again re the spiders X
Hello You! Now I know that this post was a momentary blip because you are a no nonsense type of a girl so I probably don't need to tell you anything (but I will anyway, just in case!)
ReplyDeleteYou are in a new place both flat wise and man wise. Plus you don't have Dillinger to snuggle up with.Things were always going to be a bit hard for a bit, but you have done the right thing. Reading your blog I know that you have done the right thing to get out of your boyfriend's flat and having this new place, even if it is temporary, is excellent.Its normal to feel down about your relationship not working, but better out of it than taking the easy route and getting more and more miserable with him. It takes guts to live the way you do. I read your blog and admire your straight from the hip feistiness, your independence and your honesty.
What will be will be and I know that by the time you read this you will be feeling better. You can't be up all the time.
I hope you are having a good weekend. Chin up. I think you're fab and I'm sure I'm not alone in that. Keep going hon.
Sarah
xxx
What brilliant comments to come back and read. They really have made me puff up full of pride in myself - thank you both.
ReplyDeleteI do feel much better; transitions are always tricky and I guess I just find those kind of things hard. I feel pretty much fine now. My housewarming evening was a resounding success with 12 brilliant, smart, successful, interesting laydees turning up to tell me how lovely my new place was and how happy they were for me. It made the place feel more like home. My new bed is amazing (I was without my own bed for a week) and I'm having a go at bringing Dillinger to the flat on Thursday as the ex is going to Amsterdam for a long weekend to see a friend.
Thank you again - I'm so chuffed about Sarah's comments I could burst. I 'shoot from the hip' ... get me!!
Don't burst!!! Not in your lovely new white flat ... messy!!! x
ReplyDelete